She's Marrying Her Abusive Fiance

She's getting married to her abusive fiance, but she still flirts with me."

Question submitted by Babel020202, Office worker, Arkasas

"I have been flirting a lot with a co worker. She has been flirting more that I have, but it seems mutual. She has been with her abusive fiance for a year and engaged for a month or so. She feels she is stuck in the relationship.

He has been physically and emotionally abusing her. She has no financial or family support in the area, so she doesn't feel she can leave him since they live together. She has been coming on to me and told me she want to spend time with me, as well as hook up.

So, I am at a lost, because I feel like she is someone I could see a future with, but she is engaged, and the last thing that makes me think it is OK, is she is being abused. So, what do you think???"

She needs help, but you might lose her

Unfortunately, the grip of an abusive fiance is a very strong one. Sure, she might like you and she might even make a great girlfriend, but her abusive fiance has her trapped, both financially and mentally.

The sad thing is there is very little you can do about it short of dragging her to a counselor. Even then, she might get really angry with you and your chance to be with her is over.

There is no doubt that she needs to be freed from this guy because marriage will make her life a lot more miserable. You just need to decide how much you care for her and if that includes losing her.

If you can resign yourself to permanently pissing her off and never talking to her again, call up a local abuse hotline. The number is in any phone book. And see if you can arrange for someone to meet her in a neutral location to just talk to her. Of course she might be very grateful for this, but odds are, she'll resist and then get very angry at you for "misinterpreting" everything she said.

Pain tends to make people feel alive and somehow special. That's what makes domestic abuse so prevalent. She is clawing for ways to escape her abusive fiance(and getting your attention because of it) but my guess is that the abuse was happening before she decided to get engaged to this guy. It's a sick and ugly circle.

She needs help and it would be amazing if you helped her, but make sure you're not doing this for purely selfish reasons.

Good luck

Rena