Am I judgemental?

by Casey
(San Antonio, TX)

I'm not sure who is in the wrong. Am I judgemental? I've been dating a guy who is ten years my senior and we tend to have disagreements and I'm always the one to take the blame.

I've been sick this week but still having to go to work, but we were planning on seeing each other Friday night and into Saturday. He decided to have a drinking party with his friends Thursday night. We had talked on the phone and I had mentioned to try not to party too hard so that he won't be hung over when we get to see each other on Friday (we hadn't seen each other all week).

Well, I arrive at his place Friday around 7pm and he had been sleeping off his hangover all day. One of his friends let me in when I was knocking. His friend and I chit chat downstairs while I'm waiting for him to come down cause his friend said when I arrived he went to the bathroom. Well, the friend left and my boyfriend never came down. So, I go upstairs and find him in bed sleeping again.

At this point I'm very upset because instead of coming down to greet me, ask how my day went etc, he went to the bathroom and went back to bed thinking I'd come up eventually and cuddle with him. I'm also upset that he drank so much that he was still in bed knowing that I would be coming to see him the next night. Plus, he knows I've been sick and I was hoping he would take care of me a little instead of me having to take care of his hangover.

When I go upstairs to see him, I say hey and he says hay without turning over to see me. I ask if he's been hung over all day and he says yes. I say that his friend just left. He says nothing. I'm so upset that I just say that I guess I'll just leave since he's going to just sleep. He says fine, go, and thanks for coming in and judging everything and bringing negativity with me. I say your welcome and leave. I drive around the block and come back and go back upstairs to him.

I tell him that I didn't want to leave without telling him why. He's still in bed not facing me. He says ok. I tell him why I'm upset and he tells me that I'm very negative and judgmental and he tells me his expectations weren't met by me not coming upstairs and cuddling with him since I was sick and he's sleepy. And that he would have eventually woken up and we could have a nice night. I tell him I've been sick and working all week and he could have come downstairs or at least acknowledged that I was there. And that I was disappointed that he drank so much the night before that he's still hung over for our time.

He gets up and looks me in the eye and says do you want to forget about all of this and just have a good night together. And I tell him, no that its not right he's not taking any responsibility or saying sorry. He keeps saying I'm being so judgmental and since I was still arguing with him he tells me to get the f*** out of his house and that we were over. I ask him if thats really how'd he want to end it and he says that he gave me chances to stop arguing and to just have a good night but I wouldn't let it go cause he still thought he didn't do anything wrong. Just that I did something wrong by coming in complaining and leaving and then coming back and complaining some more. I tell him I'm trying to tell him why I am upset with the situation and he tells me to get the f*** out of his house again and to take my imaginary world with me. I start crying and unable to leave.

He just lies there not caring and not facing me. He says this is what happens when I push his buttons. I eventually just say I'm sorry for arguing and being judgmental and then he hugs me and says that its good I recognize that and I shouldn't expect people to do anything or I'll always be miserable.

Was I in the wrong? I've never had such a hard time with a boyfriend before. He has had a rough life and he's pretty intelligent. But whenever he does something that pushes my buttons and I call him out some how he makes it my fault in the end and I end up apologizing to keep the relationship. What should I do?