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“How do you get a guy you're interested in to ask you out?”

Question submitted byLisa, Admin assistant, Portland, OR

Before we get too deep into getting your guy to ask you out on a first date, we should first check and see if he's interested in you. All signs point to yes? Great! Now we need to make sure you're as irresistible to him as you can possibly be... Done? Let's get to work!

There is a lot of psychology involved with convincing a guy to make the first move. First of all, many men are terrified of making a move and getting shot down. They would rather wrestle a gorilla in heat than feel that kind of rejection. Blame this on evolution. Back when we lived in small tribes a few hundred years ago, if a guy got shot down by one of the 20 hottie cavewomen, he basically just lost his ability to reproduce thus deleting himself from the gene pool.

This was a big deal back then! Unfortunately, this primal fear still resides and is a hard one to overcome.

Get him to ask you out

This is not your fault! The reality is that if you’'ve been sending signals and he’s not taking steps to ask you out, it’s not because he hates you or he’s gay, he’s just a little… scared.

“Are you asking
me out?”

You cannot believe how well this works! Sometimes, it’'s the only trick in the book you'’ll need. Here'’s how it works: you two are chatting about whatever and he mentions a movie he wants to see and you simply interrupt with, “"Are you asking me out?" I would love to see that movie!” He will stammer a bit but almost always answers with yes.

Any time he mentions anything he'’s about to do: going to a concert, going to lunch, going to Home Depot, —it doesn’'t matter. Drop this one on him and you’'ve made it to your first date. You probably can'’t use this to go on vacation with him or meet his parents, but you never know…...

What if he says no or says anything but an enthusiastic “yes?” Here'’s where you can show how cool you are. Tell him you'’ve been dying to eat at a certain place and you we’re planning on eating there the same night he was going to go wherever. “How about I get dinner/lunch/coffee before or after and you get the movie/concert/teach me about hammers?”

This is as low-pressure as it gets. You were already on your way to your thing and it fits perfectly with his thing. You can do it together. He doesn’t have to think about who pays for what. He has cute little you wrapped up in a bow!

Take away the fear

If getting him to ask you out by essentially inviting yourself is a little too forward, then at the very least you have to let him know that you will not reject him. How? Flirt! Flirt flirt flirt! We'’re not talking about the poofing your hair and licking your lips stuff either. You need to lay it on thick.

If the flirting thing is kinda hard for you, there is a great book on how to learn some new skills in the "get over here" department. The Secrets of Flirting With Men will give you all the really great ways to catch his eye. This book should be illegal!

Also, it's great to compliment him. Saying things like, “"You’'re so brilliant.”" You can even add adorable, cute, handsome, talented, or any other feel-good phrase you can manage. Make him feel so appreciated, he can'’t help but need to ask you out if just for the great way he feels when he'’s around you.

I need your help

This is similar to the “are you asking me out method,” with just a little bit less of an ambush. Find out what he’'s interested in and enlist his “expert opinion.” Maybe he’s a snappy dresser. Tell him that you and him are going shopping because you have to get a tasteful present for your dad/brother/uncle/priest/doctor (NEVER say it'’s just a guy friend. He'’ll think it’s a boyfriend and never ask you out).

He could be really into music or reading and you need help picking out a CD or book for your sister. He might be really technical or computer savvy and you need some in-home computer repair. Any time you can make a guy feel useful because of his extensive knowledge about whatever, he will relate that awesome feeling to you.

It’s important not to lie here. If he asks later about your grandfather you two bought a shirt for and grandpa’s dead, you'’re toast. However you can unplug your computer and play dumb. Make sure you make up for it by buying him a drink.

Take an interest in his interests

If he’s an avid soccer player, try to get into his world. Ask him what league he plays in and if you can join. Don'’t do this unless you’re really serious about playing soccer (poseurs suck). Ask him to teach you the rules of his sport. Show up at his bowling league night to watch him. Try to be places that he goes. You might need to do a tiny bit of stalking, but don’t go crazy here.

Basically, waiting for him to ask you out is wasted time. He might worship the ground you walk on but feel powerless to ask you out for any number of reasons. By blatantly letting him know you’'re available and “inviting yourself” to whatever he’s doing, you will get that first date.

Many great books have been written on attraction. Check this out for more great information on attracting that perfect guy.







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