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“I want to know how to be sexy for my man, but I don’t want to be a slut.”

Question submitted by Lauren, 30, Admin Assistant, New York

"“I really want to know how to be sexy. I have this boyfriend and we’ve been going out for about 4 months. The sex is good, but I have noticed that he really responds when I initiate the sex.

I have always been painfully shy and I grew up in a religious household. Being sexy just seems kinda sleazy to me. I want to know how to turn him on, but it’s so hard for me to say the crazy things I really want to say. So I don't say anything and I'm pretty sure he'd like to hear this stuff.

I know that I could have a much better sex life and experiment more, if only I could be more sexy and just let myself go. Do you have any great wisdom on how to make things better and be more seductive without feeling like a slut?”"

Being sexy is a state of mind

how to be sexy

You are definitely on the right track. You understand that a man really worships your sexuality. You also get that by making an effort to turn him on, your sex life is much more exciting. The problem lies with your fear of being considered a slut.

First of all, the whole slut thing should not even be an issue in a committed relationship. If he’s calling you a slut in any other way than acceptable dirty talk, you need to leave him, now! That doesn’t seem to be the case here. It’s a judgment you’ve made in your own mind. Consider this: one of the major purposes of getting a man in your life is to explore your sexuality. Every one of your lovers (past and future) should teach you something new about sex. The more ready you are for new experiences, the more you learn about your body.

If the issue revolves around your beliefs, there is a bit more work to be done. All is not lost though, there is a great book called Better Sex for Christians that goes through all you need to know how to be sexual with your man and still feel moral about it. Sure, it says "for Christians," but it's great for any couples feeling weird about how sex fits into their beliefs.

When a man first meets you, his very first attraction to you is basic sexual compatibility. Depending where you live in the world, the days of filtering people by morals and values are long gone. That said, you don’t want to break out your freakshow fantasies on the first time you make love. He will wonder about your past. However, the more you are willing to “try things,” the more of a kick-ass girlfriend you become in his eyes.

Your desire to explore is completely natural. Tell your brain to shut up whenever it judges you, especially if you’ve been with someone for a while. You already know each other enough to open up sexually. If you really want to know how to be sexy, one of the best pieces of advice is to just let go.

Let go of your inhibitions

Losing yourself in love (or lust!) can be one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Sure, when you’re just learning how to be sexy, things might seem awkward or forced, but let them happen. You two might giggle about them later. Pretty soon, when you feel a bit more mastery on how to turn him on, actions seem natural. Words become much more meaningful.

It all starts with you saying to yourself, “I really want this. I’m going to allow myself to fulfill my needs.” And then silence. No more thoughts of “Am I doing this right?” or “What does he think about my naked butt?” Turn off the judging part of your brain and switch it to the accepting part, the wanting part.

Tell him what to do

This one is huge! In a recent men’s magazine poll, over 70% of men say they wish their lover would initiate more often. When you take charge in even the smallest way, it lets your man know how much you crave him sexually: something all men need reinforcement on. Is that true? You bet your bottom, sister! Men used to be able to conquer their food, their lives, and other men. Things are a bit more civilized now and they have nothing left to prove how much of a man they are except you.

The more you get into being around him, the more he feels like a marauding Viking in his mind. Yes, this is a good thing. When you take charge, there is no better way how to be sexy for your man. He thinks that you gotta have him so badly, you will forget about all your upbringing of how to be a lady. This is one of the best compliments you can give to a man.

Just telling you to "go for it" is a lot harder for most than it may seem. For some women, being sexy by being assertive is a terrifying prospect. It's just not who you are. Let's get one thing clear right now (and it just happens to be the underlying theme of this website): confidence is incredibly sexy! This is a universal truth that applies to every man on the planet. Men LOVE confident women. Men CRAVE confident women. Men MARRY confident women.

If you are shy, sorry to say this but... you are not very sexy.

Did you read that part where 70% of men want their girls to make some moves?! You really have to get comfortable with your fierceness. Check out the Unstoppable Confidence Course and get in touch with your "Take Charge Girl" to drive him wild with desire. Seriously, there's nothing more important for learning how to be sexy.

Have a Secret Weapon

So maybe you feel uncomfortable with all the suggestions so far or maybe you've tried all of these already and you are still missing that one crucial piece of the puzzle.

It's time to break out your secret weapon! What could that possibly be? Answer: your intelligent vagina.

"OK, now we're just having crazy talk. What are you talking about?"

Your vagina is encased in muscles. Sadly, if they never get worked out, they can't really do anything. Let's face it: a vagina is a vagina. That is unless that vagina can actually do things! Things?!! If you can develop the muscles in your pelvic floor, you can actually make a man orgasm by simply squeezing him with your vagina!

Impossible you say? Not at all! You need to do Kegel Exercises! Kegel Exercises consist of repeatedly squeezing the muscles of your pubic floor (also known as the PC muscles). You can do these on your own with great success and have him eating out of your hand in no time. Talk about how to be sexy!

The next time you urinate, clamp down to stop the flow of urine. Do this a couple times to get a feel for which muscles do all the work. These are your PC muscles. That's pretty much it. Kegel exercises are simply repeatedly squeezing these muscles over and over again. You can do them anywhere, anytime you think about it. The best part is that no one will know that you are secretly "working out."

If you want to get a better work out, then you actually need a device to help you out. The Natural Contours Energie is a great little device that will get you on your way. It's a weighted wand that really turns the Kegel exercises into a serious workout. You'll be able to tell the difference with only a few sessions. More importantly, he will be able to tell the difference.

If you really want to be sexy and make your vagina unstoppable, get the Kegelmaster! This is a bit more spendy than the Energie, but you'll be blown away with what it can do. The Kegelmaster is a springloaded device that's like a professional workout machine for your vagina. Not only will it make sex incredible for him, when you have a well-toned pubic area, it will turn your orgasms into mind-numbing thrill rides! That's a fact!

Being sexy is about more than sex

It’s about finding pleasure in every aspect of your life. How many movies do you need to watch where someone is absolutely loving something they are eating? How many times have you seen someone enraptured at that first sip of wine and wish you could have the same appreciation? Have you ever seen a well-dressed woman and wonder if she was a movie star by her presence alone?

This is all part of sexuality. This is all part of how to be seductive. When you deeply love each experience in your life, that is incredibly sexy to anyone who’s watching. Start paying attention to tastes, smells and feels. Let these experiences surround you and really pay attention to how they make you feel. Get yourself a set of silk or satin sheets just for the deliciousness of how it feels on your skin.

Some women feel that lingerie really tunes them in to their sensuality. Check out the Lingerie Galleries at Cameo Intimates for some absolutely gorgeous undies. It’s a great place to start feeling how to be sexy and, as you all might know, men love it. Do you have any revealing or girly or sexy underwear? You really should get some especially if all you have are the plain whites or granny panties. It may feel silly at first, but when your man sees you for the first time in that hot little negligee, it will all be worth it.

There's no faster way to figure out how to keep your man attracted than a basic fundamental knowledge of what is attractive to him in the first place. Even if you're just a little interested, this site is definitely worth checking out.

Learning how to be sexy is all about presence and enjoying every sensation. Stop thinking whether he’s judging you and start focusing on how to be hot. Every kiss, every gesture, every request leads you to more intimacy with your boyfriend or husband. | Cosabella

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