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“I want to know how to be sexy,
but I don’t want to be a slut.”
Question submitted by Lauren, 30, Admin Assistant, New York
“I really want to know how to be sexy. I have this boyfriend and we’ve been going out for about 4 months. The sex is good, but I have noticed that he really responds when I initiate the sex.
I have always been painfully shy and I grew up in a religious household. Being sexy just seems kinda sleazy to me. I want to know how to turn him on, but it’s so hard for me to say the crazy things I really want to say. So I don't say anything and I'm pretty sure he'd like to hear this stuff.
I know that I could have a much better sex life and experiment more, if only I could be more sexy and just let myself go. Do you have any great wisdom on how to make things better and be more seductive without feeling like a slut?”
Being sexy is a state of mind
You are definitely on the right track. You understand that a man really worships your sexuality. You also get that by making an effort to turn him on, your sex life is much more exciting. The problem lies with your fear of being considered a slut.
First of all, the whole slut thing should not even be an issue in a committed relationship. If he’s calling you a slut in any other way than acceptable dirty talk, you need to leave him, now! That doesn’t seem to be the case here. It’s a judgment you’ve made in your own mind. Consider this: one of the major purposes of getting a man in your life is to explore your sexuality. Every one of your lovers (past and future) should teach you something new about sex. The more ready you are for new experiences, the more you learn about your body.
When a man first meets you, his very first attraction to you is basic sexual compatibility. Depending where you live in the world, the days of filtering people by morals and values are long gone. That said, you don’t want to break out your freakshow fantasies on the first time you make love. He will wonder about your past. However, the more you are willing to “try things,” the more of a kick-ass girlfriend you become in his eyes.
Your desire to explore is completely natural. Tell your brain to shut up whenever it judges you, especially if you’ve been with someone for a while. You already know each other enough to open up sexually. If you really want to know how to be sexy, one of the best pieces of advice is to let go.
Let go of your inhibitions
Losing yourself in love (or lust!) can be one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Sure, when you’re just learning how to be sexy, things might seem awkward or forced, but let them happen. You two might giggle about them later. Pretty soon, when you feel a bit more mastery on how to turn him on, actions seem natural. Words become much more meaningful.
It all starts with you saying to yourself, “I really want this. I’m going to allow myself to fulfill my needs.” And then silence. No more thoughts of “Am I doing this right?” or “What does he think about my naked butt?” Turn of the judging part of your brain and switch it to the accepting part, the wanting part.
Tell him what to do
This one is huge! In a recent men’s magazine poll, over 70% of men say they wish their lover would initiate more often. When you take charge in even the smallest way, it lets your man know how much you crave him sexually: something all men need reinforcement on. Is that true? You bet your bottom, sister! Men used to be able to conquer their food, their lives, and other men. Things are a bit more civilized now and they have nothing left to prove how much of a man they are except you.
The more you get into being around him, the more he feels like a marauding Viking in his mind. Yes, this is a good thing. When you take charge, there is no better way to be sexy. He thinks that you gotta have him so badly, you will forget about all your upbringing of how to be a lady. This is one of the best compliments you can give to a man.
Being sexy is about more than sex
It’s about finding pleasure in every aspect of your life. How many movies do you need to watch where someone is absolutely loving something they are eating? How many times have you seen someone enraptured at that first sip of wine and wish you could have the same appreciation? Have you ever seen a well-dressed woman and wonder if she was a movie star by her presence alone?
This is all part of sexuality. This is all part of how to be seductive. When you deeply love each experience in your life, that is incredibly sexy to anyone who’s watching. Start paying attention to tastes, smells and feels. Let these experiences surround you and really pay attention to how they make you feel. Get yourself a set of silk or satin sheets just for the deliciousness of how it feels on your skin.
Some women feel that
lingerie really tunes them in to their sensuality. Check out the Lingerie Galleries at Cameo Intimates for some absolutely gorgeous undies. It’s a great place to start feeling how to be sexy and, as you all might know, men love it. Do you have any revealing or girly or sexy underwear? You really should get some especially if all you have are the plain whites or granny panties. It may feel silly at first, but when your man sees you for the first time in that hot little negligee, it will all be worth it.
Learning how to be sexy is all about presence and enjoying every sensation. Stop thinking whether he’s judging you and start focusing on how to be hot. Every kiss, every gesture, every request leads you to more intimacy with your boyfriend or husband.
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