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“Does he want me back?
Is it worth a try?”

Question submitted by Collegegirl from Louisiana

My ex is contacting me again and I need to know, does he want me back? My ex and I dated for nearly three years. We were pretty close, but the relationship was mostly long distance.

About a year into the relationship, he started having family issues. First of all, a parent died along with a big move to another country. Both events really changed him and caused him to be more disrespectful to me. He started going long periods without contacting me.

I stuck by him after a lot of stuff went down but he seemed to just get worse. He was not the guy I fell in love with so I broke up with him and we pretty much stopped all contact with each other.

Lately, over the last month, he has been contacting me sometimes twice a week. It has been near a year since we broke up. What could it mean that he is contacting me again? Does he want me back? Should we try and get back together again? Would it even be worth it?

Does he want you back

Before we explore his motives, we need to ask an even more important question: do you want him back? It's one thing to show up on your doorstep a year later and act cute, but it's another thing to deserve a chance at it.

As time goes by and we get farther away from a breakup, we tend to see our ex's in a much better light as we begin to forget all the pain they put us through. Although it seems like it might be a little too late for this, I recommend you check out the eBook, Should You Stay or Should You Go. What you need right now is a little perspective and this is exactly what this book provides. Is simply asks all the questions you need to be asking right now. The best part is that it covers all the things you aren't really considering. Does he want me back is actually the least of your concerns.

Getting back together again

Getting back together again can work. It can... but often people find themselves back in the same comfort they were in before. So it's like a new relationship without all the butterflies. Most people love the butterflies part.

So if getting back together again is your goal, then you have to do everything in your power to make it new and fresh again. This is your best chance to get things going and do things right from the very beginning. It doesn't matter "does he want me back" because if you want him back, it's going to be on YOUR TERMS.

The beginning of any relationship (or of any getting back together again) is the only chance you get to set the stage exactly how you want it. This time is going to be about your needs. How you get what you want out of a relationship? You come right out and say it! You can say, "I know how things have gone in the past, but this time, you are going to show me some attention. If we go back to what we had before, I'm not interested." Does that make you sound like a bitch? No way.

You can't talk like this a year from now and how it will stick because you two will already be set in your ways. So you have to do it now. You have to make all the requests and set all the parameters now or else you're walking. Also, it doesn't hurt to throw in a few wildcards like, "And this time around, I want to travel more" or "And I'm going to do [insert something you'll need his support on here] and you're gonna help me!"

What will he do? If he's just seeing if he can get some free sex out of the deal, he'll see you're going to be too much effort and bail. This is great because you just save yourself a whole other bucket of heartbreak. If the answer to does he want me back is true and he's really serious, he'll do what it takes to keep you (and keep you happy). It's OK to be demanding when getting back together again, but don't set that as the entire tone of the new relationship. Go for the love too!

What is he thinking?

Getting back to the original question of "does he want me back?" The answer is yes, but there are several degrees of yes going on here. When a guy sleeps with a woman, there is a part of his brain that thinks that this woman now belongs to him... FOREVER. You know and the world knows that's crap, but that's what is going through his head on some degree.

Your goal here is to find out his real intentions. Does he want you back for a booty call? Is he back because he knows you'll take him back? Does he want you back because you were the best girl he's ever had and now he realizes this? Is he going to sweep you off your feet and put a ring on your finger etc. etc.?

What are his intentions?

Don't be too concerned with does he want me back and be more concerned with his goals in rekindling this relationship. And definitely don't give your heart back to this guy until he's made his real intentions clear on what he's looking for in you and in his future.

Do you want him back, really?

If you've done a bunch of soul searching and discovered the answer is a resounding, "YES!" then it's time to clean house. Sure you could take that literally and clean up your nest, but we're also talking emotionally and spiritually. If you're going to take this guy back, then give your love every opportunity to grow.

You can't keep bringing up the past or worry that he's "doing that thing again" and hope to survive this. Now is the perfect ime to set your man on a quest. Give him a goal to achieve to prove his love. How do you do this? Check out Rousing the Lion! This book will teach you ways to make him fight for your love and how to make him feel like more of a man than any other woman he's met!

If the true answer to "does he want me back" is yes, and your answer is also yes, then do everything in your power to make it perfect this time around!







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