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“How can I tell if a man is good in bed?”

Question submitted by Dollpartz from Toledo, OH

"How can you tell if a guy is good in bed or not?

It seems like all of the guys I've met in the past couple years are either horrible in bed or, even worse, have problems getting an erection. Before that, I was always dating scumbags and jerks, but let me tell you, those dirtbags could get the job done in the sack.

With the help of my therapist and some of the great advice from this website *thanks ;o)*, I have finally been able to figure out why I'm attracted to unavailable losers and have learned that I am a human being and deserve respect from the people I bring into my life.

But now I have the complete opposite problem. I am finding sweet guys to date, but they are terrible in bed.

So my question is: is there a way to tell if a guy has any sexual skills before I get all into him just to find out he can't get an erection or is a "two minute man?" Are there any signs that a man will be good in bed?"

Nice guys versus good guys

Oh Girlfriend! You just asked a question that every one of us has asked ourselves over the years. How can a girl tell if a guy will be good in bed? The problem with a man's sexual prowess is that unless you sleep with him in the first 15 minutes, you are often way too invested by the time you get to see him in action. If he has problems or has no idea what he's doing, then the entire relationship becomes a compromise. Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. It's important to figure out if a guy is good in bed before you get into that situation.

How can you crawl into his mind before you crawl into his pants and see if he really has the knowledge to keep you satisfied? All the answers you need are in his body language. If you have no idea how to read body language, there is nothing better than these Body Language training courses created by body language guru, Ron Bailes. This brilliant course will make sure you never get surprised by what a man's true intentions are and if he's hiding something or simply isn't the guy he says he is.

Granted, this is an expensive course. But becoming a body language master will ensure you can easily predict what anyone you know is about to do. Not only that, this knowledge echoes into every aspect of your life. It will help in the workplace as well as in negotiating for things you really want.

But first, let's start with the supposed "nice guys." Contrary to what loser men all seem to think, women love sex! We crave it as much as they do. We fantasize about it as much as they do. So why do we end up with the... ahem... short end of the stick when it comes to pleasure? I would go as far as saying we all want to be with someone who is good in bed!

Your current problem lies in the fact that you are fed up with jerky bad boys and you're switching to the nice guys. Wrong move! Instead, you need to seek out good guys. The ones who have their lives together, their head is in a good place and they respect you as much as they respect themselves.

In short: they love women, they have boundaries, and they are looking for an equal.

The problem with nice guys

Nice guys see everything as an exchange. They think, "I will be nice to you and help you move and then you will fall madly in love with me and show me your boobies." Everything they do has an exchange value over it. Even though they may never weasel their way into your heart (or your bed), they still expect something in return.

Sure it's great to always have someone ready to come save you at any moment that will listen to you endlessly cry about your jerk ex-boyfriends, but these guys have no concept of magnetism and attraction. To them, it's all just one big manipulation.

And then comes the sex... Nice guys are terrible at sex because of their already flawed mindset. Sex, to them, is also an exchange. Nice guys are always trying to take and hide it under this endless stream of compliments and suplication. Why would he ever bother worrying about your pleasure when his own self interests are always in the foreground of his mind? To be blunt nice guys are rarely good in bed because one: they get fewer chances at sex and two: they are usually too concerned with their own self-interests.

Who is the good guy?

The good guy manages to blend the respect that a nice guy fakes and the rebellious mystery that the bad boy personifies. All of this is wrapped in an easy going nature that doesn't need anything from you.

He helps you without expecting anything in return yet expects you to always bring your "A game" when you are with him. He's geniunely interested in you, respects women, and thinks his mom is pretty cool.

So what does this have to do with him being good in bed?

I'm not about to candy coat this. Some of the best sex I've ever had has been with cruel, sociopathic jerks that seemed hell-bent on ruining my life. Afterwards, even after an earth-shattering orgasm, I still felt like there was something horrible about myself. Why? That's what bad boys do to you.

Then how can you get the best of both worlds? Find a well-adjusted man who understands sexual communication.

Never forget your intuition. Remember that guy who was so nice to you and then just about chewed his arm off to get away from you after you slept with him on the second date? Didn't he send out a whole bunch of jerk signals before you got to that shameful situation? And he probably wasn't that good anyway... Didn't you see it coming a mile away but you were openly praying it wouldn't happen?

Contrary to what the world has taught us, your intuition is powerful and brilliant! You know exactly what kind of a person you are dealing with every single time. But since you are new to this intuition thing, let's lay out the things to look for.

How to tell if a man is good in bed

This is by no means a complete listing, but after all the research I did to answer this question, here is what I know:

  • He knows how to "sub-communicate." Guys that get it, know how to make you melt with just a look. They get that mischevious want in their eyes that simply say, "I'm using everything in my power to hold myself back... but just barely." Guys RARELY have that kind of connection to their body language. When they can actually convey deep meaning with just a look, they are also way more likely to have a deeper connection to their sexuality and be good in bed.
  • He dresses nice. Really?!! Yes! How many guys wearing Dockers have ever brought you to your secret garden? Clothing is just another way for a guy to show you that he's paying attention. Deep down he knows that what he's wearing is solely for your benefit; another sub-communication that tells you he "gets it." And be honest, we've all slept with a dude who always has his ball cap on backwards. He wasn't really anything to remember.
  • He's respectful to women. Think of it this way: everything you know about sex, you either learned from your lovers or you've read in books or seen in pornography. No one is born with an ingrained sexual mastery. We don't pop out of the womb with a deep understanding of orgasms and how to be good in bed. In fact, our genes are only interested in passing on to the next generation. We still have the residual caveman instincts that sex made us vulnerable to attacks so it had to be over as soon as possible. Getting back to respect. If a guy doesn't respect women, he's less likely to learn anything from her in bed. If he can't listen to women, he won't ever get really good at sex.
  • He has big testicles. Stay with me on this one. Testicles dictate how much testosterone a man has. Big balls equals a lot of testosterone equals a very strong sex drive. There are two downfalls to this: If you're actually looking at his testicles, you're about to find out what he's like in bed anyway AND guys with a lot of testosterone are the most likely to cheat on you.

How to tell if he sucks in bed

The negative indicators are usually much more easy to spot, so look for these also:

  • He's nervous. Not just in bed. I mean generally nervous. A lot of a guy's self-esteem is tied up in his sexuality. If he can "get the job done," then he's way more self-assured than the guy with erection issues. We've all known that one guy always bragging about the size of his equipment. It's like his entire value as a human being is tied to his endowments instead of his personality, accomplishments, or hopes and dreams. A nervous guy is very likely to not be good in bed, have hang ups about the size of his penis, and possibly have erectile dysfunction.
  • He brags about his sexual skills. If you've ever worked in the service industry, you know that when someone brags that they are a good tipper, it is the kiss of death. When it comes time to tip, that guy is nowhere to be found and he's usually not even the guy paying for anything. This is the same for the dude who's constantly talking about how good in bed he is. The sad part is that sex to him is only a conquest. Sure, he might have slept with a hundred women, but he hasn't satisfied any of them.
  • He's a "manhandler." He is blatant and rough with the way he touches you. I'm not talking about pushing you around. I'm talking about when he touches you, it feels like the same way he'd slap his friends around in the locker room. A man who knows the pleasure of gentle touch and brushing by you in a way that excites your senses will have a much better knowledge of how to satisfy you sexually.
  • He never touches you. A guy that knows his own sexuality will touch everyone around him. He'd be constantly finding ways to stay connected with you. If a guy never bothers to even touch your arm or your hands during a one-on-one conversation, then he's probably the same guy who struggles to get as far away from you as he can after sex.
  • He's a groper. Now this one can go either way, but we are talking about guys who aren't psychos. If a nice guy tries to touch you sexually in public BEFORE you've ever even seen each other naked, then he is an idiot who might have read some books on how to pick up girls and has taken this advice to the extreme.

Being good in bed is something men learn

By now you're probably starting to see a pattern. Guys with sexual prowess are most obvious by who they are inside and how they touch you in public. In a world where people are more likely to hook up sooner than later, women are getting the worst part of this deal. Consequently, the desire to hold out on sex until a deeper connection is formed is becoming more and more prevalent. Now we have the opposite problem of falling for guys who are no good in bed.

Spending three months to really get to know a guy before having sex with him can be heart-breaking when you finally discover he is comically terrible at sex. The trick is to know ahead of time whether he has the skills necessary to keep you satisfied. You really need to trust your intuition on this and pay attention to how comfortable he feels in his own skin. A guy who's awkward in public is not going to be good in bed.

On the flip side, being good in bed is also something you learn. If you want to move up a level in skills or just need a professional refresher, check out Savvy Sex Tips.

How about a "keeper" who's bad at sex?

So you've found the perfect man. Everything about him completes and compliments everything about you. The problem is that he's a bumbling idiot when it comes to sex. He's better at making the bed then he is at ruffling the sheets. He's simply not good in bed. How can you have your cake and eat it too?

As you will discover in this article about helping your man handle erection problems, you can't blatantly call him out on his issues because he's more likely to get even more self-conscious about not satisfying you. Then he's even less likely to become good in bed. You have to be very subtle.

But even subtlety can be pretty blatant and still not make your man take the reigns and do something to become a sex god...

I got the best advice from my friend, Gina when I asked her about similar problems she was having with her husband, "Richard." When I asked her how she fixed her sex life in researching for this article, she laughed and said, "I downloaded an eBook called, The Secrets of How to Make a Woman Sexually Addicted to You and planted it on the desktop of his computer. I checked back days later and noticed he had moved it off his desktop. Within a week, I noticed he had a new interest in sex and a few skills that made me explode with pleasure!"

He never bothered to ask how that eBook got on his computer, but I can guaranty he read it from cover to cover!

There is still hope!

So there is hope out there for a girl to find the perfect guy who's also good in bed. You can wait for him to show up, or you can become a master at reading body language and know right away if a guy is good in bed or not!

Good luck on your search, Dollpartz! Now all you need to do is find the perfect guy and you'll be all set!

~Samantha




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