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"I messed up!
I'm not sure how to apologize."
Sometimes, we hurt the ones we love. Knowing when and how to apologize is a skill that can save a wounded
relationship. Whether you intended to or not, you made a mistake and you hurt someone you love. Its time to
say, Im sorry.
There really are no tricks on ways to apologize other than truly meaning it. Sincerity really goes a long
way when admitting guilt and often this sincerity can help strengthen the relationship.
Apologizing just to avoid another fight or public embarrassment is a dumb idea. They have to know (and you
have to make it clear) that the ultimate reason for your apology is that you wont say or do the damaging thing
again. There are many little characteristics of a well-made apology. If youre saying sorry, you might as well
make it mean something.
What if it's too late? Here is a great book on
How to get your love back. If you
screwed up and really want to bring that man (or woman) back into your life, this book has some sage and really
exciting advice on what you need to do to make hime want you back no matter what happened.
Waiting too long to say sorry is often as bad as
saying nothing at all. It shows that you arent that concerned or maybe came to this point only after enough of
your friends and family urged you to. We all think back to the time that our mothers stood over us and forced us
to say were sorry for something. When you wait too long, it often gives the same impression.
Thats not to say that you should make an apology right away. Sometimes immediate apologies work perfect,
but sometimes the other person is just too hurt to hear it. Letting the initial shock of pain settle in a
little bit might help add meaning to your apology. Knowing how to apologize after the anger stage makes
saying sorry much more effective since arguing about it often makes it worse. And when someone is angry, they are
much less likely to listen to what you have to say.
Saying why you need to apologize
If hes mad at you but youre not sure why, apologizing for everything is not a good way to make things better.
You have to know what youre sorry for and you need to make it clear in how you ask for forgiveness. Saying,
Im sorry is not as effective as saying, Im sorry for calling you an idiot [or insert your reason here]. When
he knows why you know youre sorry. Then the healing process can start much quicker. You might even find that what
youre sorry for is not the real issue. Either way, understanding what you did to hurt him and letting him know
that shows you are trying hard to regain his trust.
Its your fault
Some people have a big problem sharing the blame when learning how to apologize. Im sorry for cheating on
you, but youre never around, is not an apology. Everything that comes before the but is negated once you place
some of the blame on him.
If you messed up and did something truly worthy of an apology, then what he did doesnt really matter.
Were not saying that his actions (or inactions) are not part of what got you here in the first place, but blame
just has no place in a heart-felt apology. You have to acknowledge his right to be angry and disappointed and own
up to your misdeeds.
Things that he can do to help heal this wound can be part of your atonement, but for now, just take the
blame and let him know that you mean it.
Knowing why you need to apologize
Admitting you were wrong is not as powerful as admitting why you were wrong. Knowing why hes hurt goes
a long way to showing him that you understand him and youre sensitive to his feelings. It also shows how sincere
you are about making things right and have already committed to avoiding hurting him in the future.
Sometimes, this is impossible, but you should always try to apologize in-person. Cellphones and email have
made communicating cheap... almost meaningless. When you make the effort on attempting how to apologize directly
to the persons face, it just makes the apology that much more meaningful.
Really mean it
Saying sorry is never any fun. Dont waste this discomfort by forgetting the pain you caused. If youre going
to say Im sorry, mean it! Mean it by your actions. Mean it in your words. Know what you did wrong and
simply dont do it anymore.
Stop putting yourself into the position where you need to apologize. Take responsibility for your actions.
Understand that we are all able to know that what we are about to do is wrong. When you get that feeling like
youre about to get yourself in trouble, step back and pause. Not needing to ask forgiveness is a better
route than figuring out how to apologize.
If you do a really good job, you might just need this sweet little book by Mike Webb on
500 Lovemaking Tips!
If you follow everything you see here, give him a heartfelt apology and really mean it, you'll be snuggling up to your love again
in no time!
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