“It’s over.
I need to know how to end a relationship.”

Sometimes it’s inevitable: relationships end. Knowing how to end a relationship in the most graceful way possible will make sure really bad things don’t happen later.

Above all, you must be strong in your convictions. When the relationship is no longer mutually beneficial for both of you, there’s not a lot left you can do to get it back to where it’s perfect. What makes how to end a relationship so difficult is the amount of time and hopes and dreams you put into it only to realize that it just can’t work with this person.

That doesn’t make either one of you bad people! It only means that you are incompatible and will have better luck finding love elsewhere. With that, here are some great pointers on how to end a relationship:

Know exactly why you are leaving

Really give this some thought. Why are you leaving the relationship? What does he do or not do that makes you incompatible? Could he really change this behavior if he really really wanted to? (Answer: probably not) Knowing the specific reasons for leaving gives you a stronger purpose if he promises to change.

The reality is that people can change… but will revert back to their old selves within 3 months to a year. We can’t help it. We are all creatures of comfort and find that comfort in what we know.

If you're still up in the air whether you can save the relationship or not, it's time to take a step back and get some perspective. Read the book, Should You Stay or Should You Go. What you really need to do is ask yourself some tough questions. Regret is one of the worst emotions and this book will help you to know why you must leave or if it's worth staying in a struggling relationship.

Take care of business

This may seem cold, but once you start the breakup process, things can get unpredictable—sometimes ugly. So make sure you get those things back that are important to you before you break up with him. If you live together, figure out a way to remove your most cherished possessions because they may find themselves on the lawn.

Obviously, this might not be an issue when breaking up with mature, responsible guys, but some of them just snap and do horribly childish things. It’s best to be safe and have all of the important stuff figured out before you give him the axe.

When it comes to dividing property, consider the stuff you really want to take with you, but in the end, it’s only stuff. Resolve yourself to leaving with nothing. Everything you take with you will be a bonus.

Take Responsibility

This is a big step in how to end a relationship. We all know it’s always the other person’s fault, but in the end it’s all yours. It’s your fault that his personality, or financial situation, or friends, or whatever don’t match perfectly with yours. We’re not saying this to make you feel bad, it’s just a simple truth. You cannot be happy in this situation so blaming him for the way he simply is will not make this any easier.

There may be things you feel you have to say on why he screwed things up with you, but now is not the time. A simple, “I can’t do this anymore,” speaks way more volumes than “You are an inconsiderate jerk.” For one, when it becomes your problem, there is not much more he can do to fix it. If you blame him than he can beg forgiveness and promise to change.

Avoid this conversation at all costs. It tempts you to stay and we all know that you are serious and you’re rolling out for real! Be strong and take the blame!

Don’t get emotional

OK, I know this one is a pipe dream, but when you’re dealing with facts (which is the way men argue), you own the conversation. This is actually one of the most important aspect in how to manipulate men. When you start to cry and say things that you don’t really mean, things can get ugly and confusing. This lead us to:

Don’t send mixed signals

A very crucial step in how to end a relationship. If it’s over, it’s over. No breakup sex, no maybe’s, no “I’ll think about it’s.” You have made up your mind. You’re open to friendship after the pain has faded away (and provided he doesn’t act like a child), but otherwise now it’s time to go your separate ways.

When you send mixed signals, it only prolongs the pain and disrupts the grieving process. By being strong, you are also giving him a chance to move on quicker.

There is no perfect time to beak up

People often wait years for that one chance to break up and everything is perfect. That perfect moment to bail never comes. Things just plod on and every day you live with your misery. Do it now! Don’t get to the point where you “can’t take it anymore.” Ending a relationship then will only make it ugly. We’re not getting any younger and the longer you wait the more opportunities to find a truly loveable man pass by that you will never get a second chance for.

Don’t go back

So many relationships get back together and usually fail again. Sure, you hear about people all the time that succeeded, but in order for you two to back together, both of you will have to change in significant ways.

Just keep this in mind, the first break up might have been a breeze. The next will is guaranteed to be brutal because you no longer have the illusion of protecting the one you used to love.

You will question whether you did the right thing later on because the further you get away from pain, the less you remember about the bad times. It helps if you keep a journal about how you're feeling in these tough times. You can refer back to it when you're feeling weak and considering getting back together.

Susan Russo wrote a great book on this subject: "There is Life After What's-His-Name." It's an enlightening vision of how to rediscover your identity after a breakup and start believing in yourself and in love again. Give it a read and gain strength to get the kind of relationship you truly deserve.

And for the love of all that is holy,

Don’t marry the guy you are about to break up with!

We see this all the time. You try to break up. You struggle on how to end a relationship. He cries and promises to change and then in a final frightened effort, he asks you to marry him. You really want to get married, so you say yes.

Now you’re married to the broken man you were trying to get rid of. A ring doesn’t change the things he is doing wrong.

Don’t fall for this last-ditch-effort. It only puts a pretty little bow on all of your problems.

As we already said, be strong. He might cry and you might too, but the pain you feel now is nothing compared to months or years more of silent misery. Knowing how to end a relationship calmly and gracefully is the best opportunity for both of you to move on. It also should give you comfort knowing that you treated him with all the respect and honor that someone you used to love deserves.

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