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I Actually Believed He Was My True Love
by Steffi
(Indonesia)
"R" and I met in college. He was two years younger than me. At first I thought he was a little too immature for my taste, but I decided to give him a try.
We dated for the past six months. He knew I was possessive and jealous, and he SAID he understood. He knew I was insecure. He SAID he understood. He never once complained. He never once told me anything about what he didn't like about me.
I've always told him to open up to me, to tell me anything that was bothering him. But everytime I tried to open the lines of communication, he either joked about it or said everything's fine.
I was very happy with him. He truly loved me, and he taught me how to love. I was a little afraid of love, but he took my hand and together we took that leap of faith. I loved him. I loved him with all my heart.
A few weeks ago, things started to go downhill. WAY downhill. We started fighting a lot. And he didn't have the patience that he used to have with me anymore. We had this huge fight, and ever since then, things were never the same again.
After that fight, everytime I looked at him, I saw the emptiness in his eyes. He started distancing himself from me. When we went on dates, there were more awkward silences. I tried to pretend like nothing happened, but how long can I continue pretending?
Finally, I told him to make a decision. Either make an effort, or call it quits. He decided to take the easy way out. He dumped me. He said he didn't have any feelings for me anymore, and that he wasn't happy with me anymore.
I begged him to take me back. I begged him to give me one more time. He refused.
How could anyone who LOVED me as much as he did suddenly lose all feelings for me in a mere matter of weeks? When I told my friends about the breakup, nobody believed it. Everybody said, 'That's impossible! He's so in love with you!'
But I guess his love was ephemeral. If he truly loved me, wouldn't he have tried to save the relationship?
In the beginning, when I was having doubts with the relationship, he always tried to convince me that love will conquer all. I guess that was all BS.
