I Just Hate Myself

by Hannah
(Pcb)

I had been sleeping with a guy for 8 months, and always wanted a relationship with him. He was a pretty well-known bachelor and told me repeatedly he liked the way things were going.

Around the time of my birthday, a guy from work saw me out one night and told me that I was beautiful and he wanted to be with me. We were both drunk and ended up going home together that night.

Little did I know that the guy I had been sleeping with would step up on my birthday and make it official that we were together. Of course I didn't tell him about the other guy, because I had waited so long to have a relationship with him and I didn't want to ruin it.

Well, a month went by and people started running their mouths, and he found out. He was so angry, all I could do was to beg him to stay and it would never happen again. I told him I never knew he even had feelings for me until then. We finally worked things out, and finally after 4 months, things were great.

Around this time I also was in a friend's wedding and met a guy who I just hit it off with instantly. We got along great, and we both knew we had a thing for each other without words. So we spent the next month chatting on the computer. The conversation turned dirty once, but I told him I felt bad about that and we should stop because I loved my boyfriend and I would never cheat on him.

I had made plans to meet up with him once just to hang out, but he canceled and I was glad because I was starting to back out.

My boyfriend decided to go through my phone and check my messages tonight and found all of it. I now feel like the biggest piece of shit to ever walk the earth. He was giving me this second chance to prove to him he could trust me, and I threw it away. I do live him and I want to do all I can to be there for him, I just hate myself so bad for getting myself wrapped up in another guy, who now means absolutely means nothing to me.