I Love My Best Friend

by Haley
(Rhode Island)

My best friend and I have gone out before...

But we were young and nothing really changed. Our friendship was such a strong thing and taking the next step to a relationship still kept us in a strong friendship. I've known him for years and I've always felt something for him since the day I met him.

This year we decided to date again, but of course being best friends, dating consisted of going out with other friends and not doing anything that real couples would do. The school year went fine but there was always something wrong with me I think.

I'm a clingy person and I need the comfort of having him there. I couldn't even imagine my life without him in it, even as a friend.

Now its summer, and he works everyday. so I never see him. We would only text each other and you know how it is... the one word text messages... it just seemed like he didn't care about me anymore. I felt like he just gave up on us.

When I confronted him about us spending more time together and talking more he confessed that he "kind of" wanted to break up. That alone brought me to tears. I told him that I didn't want him to feel like he had to stay with me... but of course I was lying. I desperately wanted to fix everything (which we could have easily done, but he didn't think that he could do it again.

I felt so pathetic after that. I kept trying to convince him to not give up and I just made a fool out of myself. I can't handle rejection and I just didn't want everything to go away.

I still love him with all my heart, but I think its better for me to not talk to him for a while. My birthday is coming up and not having him there makes me feel worse. I'll be going on a vacation out of the country but I know he'll be on my mind the whole time.

Every night I think about him and I just don't understand why he didn't want to try harder. He never really put a lot of effort into the relationship to begin with and I never make the first move. I regret not trying harder..but I just don't know what to do. I don't think I'll ever love anyone else besides him, but I'm willing to wait if he wants me again.

Since our friendship is still very important to me, I try to pretend like nothing happened but he doesn't seem to want to talk to me.

...So to end my story, my summer sucks so far...