In love with a married man

by CL (cruel love)
(Philippines )

I'm a 21 year-old female living in the Philippines. I work in one of the top advertising companies as a Researcher/Advertising Executive. I wanna share my very complicated love life...

So it goes like this: 2 years ago, I had a longtime boyfriend. We used to argue alot, but it was OK because somehow it's the "spice" in a relationship as they say. No one could have guessed that we would break up, not even me, because I knew and I felt how serious he was about our relationship.

In June of last year, someone informed me that my boyfriend was flirting with another woman. When I confronted him he just denied it and kept on defending himself and said it's just a joke.

At the time, I was working in an international telecommunications company providing service for the United states. I used to wake up at 2:30am and worked from 4:00am to 3:00pm. He used to go the office at the regular time. After work, I waited for him for about 2 and 1/2 hours just for us to take a dinner together. I did that for 6-8 months. I know he appreciated those things until one day, somebody told me that he had a girlfriend in his office

I was ready to fight that night and I ask him where I went wrong and to find out what happend. I tried to get in touch with him and lessened the time to meet up with him after work because I wasn't sure if I could control myself. When we talked, all he did was deny everything.

One day, I decided to wait for him after work without informing him. It still makes me feel chills like I'm a candle melting in front of many people when I saw the man that I used to think was mine having an affair with another woman. I needed to be strong and was ready to fight to keep him. I confronted both of them at work and asked who she was. When my bf said "she is my girlfriend," I just paused for a while and asked him to choose between me and that girl.

He choose that girl.

I asked him one very last question: if he was happy and he said that he was happy and that he loved her. So all I could do at that point was to let him go. I watched them walking away from me.

I was suffering the pain and heartache for about 3 months until I switched to a new job. I enjoyed keeping myself busy at work. I went out with my office mate's a lot. They knew that I was single and I was in the process of healing myself from the past.

Then I met this good looking guy. Actually I've never really been after good looks or whatever. I've always looked for someone who would be true to me. Accidently, I fell in love with him and the way he cared about me and looked at me.

I was so happy in love with him until some of my officemate's told me that he has family. I asked him and he denied it. I wanted the truth for the sake of peace of mind, One day, I saw the telephone number on the back of his ID and called it without his knowledge. I pretended to be HR personnel conducting a background check as a part of the evaluation of his application. His wife told me that he has been married for about 9 years and has a daughter.

I tried to put a distance between us to control everything but that didn't work. Our relationship got deeper and deeper, until one of our friends betrayed us and told everything to the wife about our relationship. As of now, we have been together for about 10 months already. It was so sound yet so stupid, but yes, we are together right now and he is separated from his wife.

I'm not proud about what happened and that it's considered that I won. We're both happy and we can't deny that. I know in reality that watever happened, sooner or later he will be back with his own family. He made a mistake and so did I and for all of my life, I'll know that loving a guy who's married already is the biggest mistake I ever made.

I don't want to let these things happen anymore just in case we end up this cruel love relationship that we both have. What the hardest thing for me to do is to accept the fact that in spite of everything that I did for him, to love and care about him, he will surely leave me sooner or later.

I know now that curing my pain and healing is the most important thing. I know that I'll survive, but it just takes time. I don't know when, but I'll try to put all the broken pieces of my heart back together again. We are still together but, like I said, it won't last.

Things are so complicated. It hurts me more and more. I don't want to be in love with a married man. Can somebody out there help me out with this cruel love?