“Can an Intercaste Marriage survive?”
Question submitted by Parul, New Delhi, India
“I had relationship with a guy for last 19 months, we both love each other & we have decided to get married but his parents refused the marriage as it is a intercaste marriage. He is Rajput and I am Punjabi.
I went to his house without discussing anything with him & told his parents that we can’t live without each other. Due to this step there was a huge problem in his family and now he is not talking to me because he thinks that I have hurt him a lot. He just talks once in a while.
I don’t know how to get him back in my life? Please advise me how to make the things smooth again like before it was? I am really tense as I cant live without him, I luv him very much. Please advice as soon as possible.”
Let him know you’re sorry
Unfortunately, having an intercaste marriage is a very difficult thing for everyone involved. The only thing that can save it is if you know your love is strong enough.
The good news is that people from different castes do get married so you do have a chance to win his heart back. The whole problem is with his family and how traditional they are. It sounds as if they have no desire to break this aspect of your society so you do have a long, hard road ahead of you.
The first step is to apologize to your boyfriend for going to his family without giving him a chance to explain it himself. He has to know that you understand what you did was very foolish and that you won’t do something like this around his family again.
Remind him of your love
Remind him of all the reasons you two fell in love in the first place by being really great around him. Don’t be sad. Don’t try and push the marriage on him. Just love him and help him to understand that there is no woman better than you.
It is important that you approach this knowing that it’s possible you will never be able to get married. Don’t even mention it to him again. After some time, he will start to get upset that he’ll never be able to have you as his wife and he will have to talk to his family about his love for you.
Help his family love you too
Now for the family
The family will be your biggest problem since it appears that he really cares what they think. You must show the family that you respect them above all things. You must show them that you are a great woman and will make a great bride for their son and an intercaste marriage means nothing because your love is so strong.
The longer you are around, the more they will get used to you being there. The more likely they are to come to like you. This might take a very long time to win over the parents, but if you think your love for this man is worth it, then you will know you are doing the right thing.
Good luck, Parul. It’s sad when a great love fades away, but it’s tragic when that love is forbidden.