Is He the One: Is He My Soul Mate?

“ Is he THE ONE? Did I really find my soul mate?”

The notion of soul mates or asking yourself, “ Is he the one” has deep roots in every culture. It does have some serious drawbacks. Once you have determined someone to be your soul mate, you have essentially turned them into some kind of emotional messiah.

Sure there all kinds of perfect men out there who give you almost everything you need, but then why do half of all marriages end in divorce? People cloud themselves to all the other character flaws and downfalls their boyfriend has because now he is the perfect soul mate.

Some women want a relationship so bad, they refuse to rule anyone out. They get into mediocre relationships and secretly (or openly) yearn for that perfect relationship. That magical completion of yin and yang, man and woman fitting perfectly into each other’s lives. Is he the one? He must be… he’s still here!

The problem here is that even seemingly awesome relationships have difficulties because you are two different people with different desires and goals. Once you start thinking your man was pre-destined to be with only you, that part in your brain that tells you to keep your wits about you actually shuts down.

Those things that normally would drive you up the wall about someone are now cute little peculiarities. Is he the one? He must be… my pet peeves don’t bother me anymore! Once that magical feeling of new love wears off, so will the cuteness of his “quirks.”

So how can you determine if he really is “the one?” Promise yourself to pay attention! Yeah, he’s smart, cute, and dangerously sexy, but what does he actually do for you?

Is this what I really want?

Does his lifestyle and life goals fit in well with your own? Sure it’s great to have a warm body around, but do you honestly see your lives getting better and better? Can you picture great opportunities both separately and together? Can he help you achieve your goals both emotionally and financially?

Sure, love is blind or whatever, but if you even remotely think that it might upset you many years from now that he’s a truck diver, he’s always been a truck driver, and always will be a truck driver, then perhaps… he’s not the one.

Does he really respect me?

It’s amazing how many women forget this step. Sure he’s nice to you and he loves you, but does he really respect the things you say or the decisions you make for your life? It’s one thing to have a discussion about a possibly silly thing you’ve done, but does he understand why you do what you do and help you out with some great advice?

All great relationships are based on a mutual respect for each other. Guys and girls have vast differences in the way they think and what they consider important and what they hold dear, but understanding that you are different and deciding to celebrate those differences will really help you answer, “ is he the one.”

Does he make me happy?

Sure he makes you happy, but why does he make you happy? You can even ask when does he make you happy? If he goes out of his way to make you happy and does it all the time, you’ve got a good man on your hands. If he only does it when he’s expecting something in return or after he’s “messed up” in some way, your guy might be a little selfish.

Selfish and uncaring people can also get you smitten with them because they come through at the last possible moment. You start to reward them for “pulling rabbits out of a hat” only when they really have to. Then you convince yourself how great they are for mostly not letting you down.

A great guy won’t let things get to the point of having to save the relationship. They’re always there for you and they rarely apologize because they don’t get into situations where they need to.

Can he handle me at my very worst?

How does he act when you are in a terrible mood? Does he do his best to cheer you up and make things right or does he call you a bitch and say something offhand about your period? Is he the one? If he sticks by you even when you are feeling moody and depressed, you’ve got yourself a winner.

How long have you been together?

Sometimes you feel that you’ve met your soulmate right away. You, my friend, are in the biggest danger. Not stalk and kill you danger, but danger that you aren’t thinking with all your senses. Love can be intoxicating (and there’s a reason why we shouldn’t drive drunk). Don’t love drunk either.

When you first start feeling love, the brain is flooded with “happy chemicals” that were entirely necessary a long time ago. Back then, you had to become devoted to your caveman so he’d stick around and help feed and protect all your dirty little cave babies. Given the fact that nowadays, you can take care of your own business, that ultimate chemical devotion is not longer needed. It still is a pretty incredible feeling though…

Really getting to know someone after those first few flushes of love drugs takes some time. In fact the first group of love drugs starts wearing off between a year and a half and three years. Then you either snap out of your chemical induced stupor and see what a jerk he is, or you calmly and quite intelligently start to understand how great your guy truly is.

Fortunately, if you're asking yourself, “ Is he the one, then there’s a pretty good chance you got a good one (unless you do it with every guy). As long as you keep your eyes open and never stop listening to your intuition, you can catch and keep this perfect male specimen. Find out more ways to hold on to him. The moment you lie to yourself that something he does didn’t happen or doesn’t bother you, then you are in danger of falling hard for a guy who doesn’t deserve your great love. Is he the one? He's very lucky to be with someone like you.