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“We're having long distance
relationship problems. Help!”
Whenever two lovers spend extended time away from each other, long distance relationship problems are bound to
pop up. It usually starts with a simple misunderstanding. That confusion plus the time it takes for you to get an
email or phone call back can drive you crazy.
By the time he finally calls, you are a basket case. You end up saying a whole bunch of things that you don’t
mean and now this little long distance relationship problem is a full-blown fight.
When you used to have miscommunications like this, you or he would drive over and figure things out in person.
You were able to see the look on his face and understand where he’s coming from. When things get resolved, then you
get the benefits of being in each other’s arms.
With a long distance relationship, you miss out on all the face-to-face interaction so you don’t really feel
like the disagreement was fully resolved. It’s a lonely feeling, but it's not something you have to suffer through in
the dark. If you love your guy and are committed to getting through any long distance relationship problems, then you
should read Loving Your Long Distance
Relationship to really get a handle on the in's and out's of holding on to a great, yet far away guy.
Here are some of the typical long distance relationship problems that you may encounter:
The speed of communication. Email can take a long time. Both of you are living your life and sometimes
it’s impossible to respond to emails right after they get sent. Sometimes phone calls get missed. It’s easy to get
anxious if he hasn’t emailed back right away, especially if you are saying some really vulnerable things. Maybe he
doesn’t answer his phone when you planned to talk. Your mind races through any number of tragic or sleazy scenarios.
Dealing with it. Slow down. Both of you. One of you might not be available for any number of reasons
and almost all of them are totally innocent. One way you can prevent this clingy behavior in him is to not always be
immediately available. I know it’s hard, but every once in awhile, don’t answer his email right away. Don’t take his
phone call and then call him back in a half hour. If you train him to understand that things don’t happen
every time he wants them to happen, then the process of communicating will go much smoother.
Your jealousy. He might mention female coworkers or classmates and you just can'’t help wondering if she’s
better looking, funnier, cuter, sexier than you. Yeah, we all do it. Of all the long distance relationship problems
you encounter, this one's the worst. It’s how you handle it that makes all the difference.
Dealing with it. Do you trust him? Do you really trust him? If yes, then it really doesn’t
matter how sexy this other woman is? He’s not taking the bait. TV and movies have made us think that no one has any
control over their desires and they jump into bed with anyone who half-way smiles at them. In reality, this is still
a very awkward and confusing process. Add to that the love he feels for you and you have your far away boyfriend not
doing anything wrong and wishing he was with you. People just aren’t as pathetic as they are portrayed in the media.
What if you don’t trust him? Girlfriend, you have some troubling times ahead of you. What did he do to gain
your mistrust? Nothing? Then you need to learn how to
deal with your jealousy.
If he’s cheated on you before… odds are that he will do it again. I know I just said that people aren’t as scummy as
we are lead to believe, but there are a few people that set the low standard for the rest of us.
Feeling jealous has a way of eating through your entire world. No matter what happened to you in the past, it's
time to let go and learn to trust. If you're really having problems with jealousy, you might want to get your hands on
a copy of the book, Conquer Jealousy and really
learn to understand where these feelings stem from and how to stop them before they lead to even more long distance
relationship problems, even worse, a bad breakup.
Jealousy is really all about a changing of your thought process. If cheating is an issue for you, the easiest
way to handle it is to just let him go. If you really can’t but you can’t stand thinking about him cheating, then
your only option is to talk about an
open relationship. Open
relationships are really difficult to make work, but if it gives you a little piece of mind, then go for it. You just
need to set some stipulations:
- 1. Everyone ALWAYS uses a condom.
- 2. You both agree to respect each other and not put each other in danger.
- 3. You agree to respect yourselves and not get yourselves into sketchy situations.
- 4. No matter what, you will love each other.
- 5. If either one of you finds someone new, you have the courtesy to end it.
I know this is pretty unfeeling, but no feelings are sometimes preferable to always feeling miserable.
His Jealousy. This can be a terrible long distance relationship problem especially if you know you’re
not doing anything wrong. The problem with jealousy is that you can’t make it better by reasoning. It’s usually an
irrational fear some guys get because they feel insecure. Your only defense is to make it a non-issue. Sometimes
this can be dealt with by acknowledging it and laughing it off. “Oh, you’re feeling jealous! That’s so cute. No,
baby, I am all about you and no boy could ever change that.” And then let it go. Don’t get angry or defensive.
Many people think that only the guilty need to defend themselves. Act like it’s beneath you and he may get the point.
If he doesn’t, he’ll torture you and himself with a silent jealous rage during your whole time apart. This is
bad news and, really, do you need all of this heartache?
Fighting on the phone Fighting is one of the most difficult long distance relationship problems to deal
with because one of you can simply hang up the phone and not pick it up when the other calls back. It’s cruel to not
give the other person resolution, but sometimes someone says something that is just inexcusable.
Dealing with it. Make a pact before one of you moves away to never say things that makes the
other person want to hang up. Just the simple act of agreeing to not step on each other’s boundaries cuts out the
majority of your long distance relationship problems from the very beginning.
Learn more about each other. Whenever it feels like a fight is brewing, change the subject! Take this
ask meaningful questions about each other to get closer to the man you love. It's a fun exercise and will ensure
you keep him while you are apart.
And for a really special treat, we recommend learning
Long Distance Lovemaking! Trust us: he'll
thank you for these moments!
Remember you love each other and promise not to compromise that love just because you’re upset. Learning how
to deal with long distance relationship problems is definitely a skill. Before getting upset, always ask yourself,
"Is this really something I need to freak out about?" The more laid back you can get, the better it will be for your
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