My First Love Loves Alcohol

by Ashley
(Massachusetts)

I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years and he is my first love. I've known him since I was 18 and I'm 21 now. He's 25 now.

We have been through A LOT. He almost was killed in an instant with me right beside him and I almost lost him forever. Since that occurrence, he has horrible anger issues when he drinks. He becomes absolutely mean and horrible and scares me. He's never hit me or anything but he gets pushy and scary. (He hasn't seen anyone about this and doesn't seem like he will.)

He always claims he will stop drinking but never actually does. His father is an alcoholic and I'm worried he is going to become one as well. These drunk angry occurrences happen all the time. He gets drunk maybe twice a week so he's not a raging alcoholic but on the weekends he gets kind of crazy (...keep in mind we're just young and going to bars not like a old drunk in his home or anything.)

I feel like I can't deal with it anymore. The problem is that I love him to death. He is my first love and I can't possibly imagine loving and relating to someone the way we do. I truly feel like we have something special, I just don't have the capacity to break up with him whenever he does these things even though I always threaten it when he does it again. I just can't imagine being alone and seeing him with someone else.

He has such a good heart. I can't stress that enough he's such a good guy. The drinking just makes him insane. I really don't know what to do because I love him so much. I'm worried he will become an alcoholic and I don't want to spend the rest of my life with one. Please help.