“I’m new to this
online relationships thing.”
Online relationships are pretty new things themselves. Essentially, we’re all newbies.
You can meet, learn about each other, talk on the phone and fall in love all without ever meeting each other. In fact, you hear about it all the time. Person A lives in Florida and meets Person B in Oregon. They chat for a month. Person B flies to Florida. They meet in person. And BAM! They get married and live happily ever after.
There’s a reason people like this get on the news. It’s because it actually happens so rarely. Not only that, no one ever follows up a year or three later to see if the romance has endured. Of course, there always is that chance that the guy on the other end of the line is exactly who he says he is, but the Internet provides everyone with the ability to be whomever they say they are. In the real world, they can’t all be astronaut cowboys…
To be blunt, there is no replacement for one-on-one prolonged interaction. The Internet makes it possible to fall deeply in love with someone’s mind. Online relationships are awesome because you really get to fall for the way someone can write. But when given enough time to think about what you’re going to write, we all sound like geniuses or love struck poets.
Our advice for dealing with online relationships is to keep it light. It’s fun to have deep emotional conversations with someone you’ve never met in person because you are anonymous. It’s easy to let your guard down and let someone crawl in and learn all your deepest secrets. The next step is to fall in love. We feel that the investment in time and the fact that we’ve “never told this to anyone else in the world” equal a deep trust and affection.
Slow down, Cowgirl!
Take these Internet relationships at face value. Without ever meeting the person face-to-face, you might be falling in love with someone who isn’t even the person in the picture.
Don’t wait forever for the in-person meeting.
The longer you wait (or the longer he makes you wait) the fishier it gets. The Internet provides people an opportunity to hide their real selves. If he doesn’t want to meet or keeps pushing it back, the less likely he’s the guy in the photo.
Speaking of which: did you get his picture? Have you talked on the phone? Has he texted a picture of himself from his phone? This one in particular is a pretty good verification that he at least looks like his picture.
Try to bring things into the real world as soon as possible. If he lives in your area, even sooner. You can have your online romance even after you’ve sat across a table from him, sipping on your mocha. Essentially, you have to allow the natural instincts in your body a chance to size him up too.
How tall is he in relation to you? Does he have a confident posture? Is he clean? What does he smell like? How is he dressed? Is he part of (or can he fit in with) the “style” of friends you have? How does that first hug feel? Can you just melt in his arms or is it stiff and awkward. What do his lips taste like? These are things your body needs to know! Don’t forget to give your senses a chance to decide too.
Things tend to change...
The sad part is that after that first meeting, the online relationship changes to a cellphone and in-person relationship. If he writes really beautifully, then you might miss that side of him.
How do you not lose this part of such a perfect beginning? Simply say it! No man would be offended to hear, “I love the way you write. Let’s make a promise right now that we send emails to each other at least once a week.” If you really want to be super-adorable, see if he’ll agree to do these letters by regular mail. Awesome!
When is the last time you got a love letter in the mail?
There are ways to keep that magic that you both built online. You just have to demand it and you have to be diligent yourself about holding onto the things you love most about online relationships.
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