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“He's taking me for granted!
What do I do?”

Question submitted by Carolina M., chemical engineer, Boston, MA

"He's taking me for granted and I’m not sure what to do. We are engaged supposed to get married in September. We have lived apart the whole relationship up until recently. He lives in another town and I just moved here to be with him. I’ve always been single and he's divorced with children. I adore his kids and of course him.

I've had to uproot everything in my life to come be with my fiancé, but I was able to keep my job working in a satellite office. That’s not the problem here. I really feel like I’m being taken for granted. He hasn’t even given me a flower to tell me I’m welcome or taken me out for dinner to celebrate. We’re both successful professionals but we decided I would move to him because he makes more than I do. We also both strongly believed that he needed to stay close to his kids.

I really love him but think he is taking me for granted. I feel like I’m becoming his last priority. Like he knows I’m going to be there no matter what. Everybody tells me about how he’s the perfect guy but since I’ve moved in with him, I haven’t seen that at all.

I do feel like he's been a little selfish and I told him so. He said, “How dare you say that after all I have done for your family?” Don't get me wrong, he has done a lot for my family and I am so afraid to lose the best guy in the world. He's the guy every woman would love to be with and I feel like a jerk for being so picky. At the same time I can't avoid thinking he is taking me for granted. It's as if he doesn't care anymore about romancing me and I feel more like a roommate than his future wife.

Am I being a selfish person and just wanting to have it all? Or is he taking me for granted? How can I work on my feelings to keep this great guy without feeling bitter about it?"

Things might only get worse

He's not showing you the love you deserve

When people stop praising you for such a massive accomplishment such as moving to a new city to be with the man you love, it makes you feel horrible. There is no doubt you are feeling almost... betrayed by his failure to recognize the giant step you have taken.

When you mention that you feel like you're being taken for granted, he defended himself using the most obvious defense: he's helped your family. The problem is that he's not marrying his family. He's marrying you and you need to feel like number one in his life.

Add to this your desire to keep the romance going now that you two are together and you have a recipe for resentment. And resentment is an absolute relationship killer! There is a very important relationship system that you need before you make this gap much wider. Check out Melt Your Man's Heart and discover how you can hit the reset button on your relationship and get him back to that awesome lovey stage of relationships. Click on this link and watch the video to see how truly powerful this system is.

How do you get back to love?

Obviously, things might need a little time to settle in before he can get into the groove of things. It might just be the whole newness of the situation and him rediscovering that “married feeling” again so it's important not to go nuts on him just yet.

Right about now, you feel like he's taking your for granted because he was so much more attentive when you lived apart from each other. There is a reason for this. When you can't see your love every day, it makes each meeting that more special. Long distance relationships have the ability to take on an air of fantasy. Each time you meet, it's like a vacation.

Now you live there and the fantasy is gone. So many people find this out the hard way and end up losing their relationships. So what can you do? The first step is to really look at your relationship with this man. Now that you've seen this other, less-affectionate side of him, are you still madly in love with him? Has it made you start to really see clearly who he is? Do you still like what you see?

Getting back to romance

If you're still saying, “Yes! I love him and we're going to get past him taking me for granted!” then let's get to work. What's really the most important thing here is to really get a good understanding on how men think.

Men don't think like you do so it is imperative you really understand your future husband to let him know how much you crave his attention. There is a brilliant book called Rousing the Lion that's basically the “love spell” to get men to adore you. It uses a deep understanding on how men's minds are wired so you can you subtle hypnotic cues to let him understand how valuable you really are.

You have already told him point blank that you feel like he's taking you for granted and that was met with a whole lot of anger and redirection. It's time to do things a little bit more subtly. Trust me, this book will not only get your man to want to be the best man he can for you, it will help build one of the best marriages you could ever think of.

Before you freak out that I mentioned “hypnosis,” understand that it's not about putting him in a trance and getting him to walk around like a chicken. It's about knowing what to say that speaks directly to his emotions. You'll learn how to praise him in a way that inspires him to be a better man and a better lover. It's actually not fair that you learn some of these things because sometimes men just want to act like jerks and it makes it almost impossible...

Things you can do right away

First of all, stop thinking that he has to make all the first moves to showing how happy he is you are in his life. You might end up waiting forever. You need to remind him why he fell in love with you in the first place and it will wipe out all of those "he's taking me for granted" feelings.

You just took over half his space and became a giant part of his life. It can be pretty overwhelming even for the most loving of men. It's time to plan a perfect evening for the two of you. You can go with the standards like a bath, massages, candlelit dinner or you can take him out to something he truly loves to do. This could be his favorite band, a sporting event, or maybe rent a video projector and screen and have a private screening of his favorite movie in the back yard with a fire burning. Just make sure whatever you plan, it includes some passionate lovemaking at some point.

If your plan is to work on this relationship and make it great, then you need to let these feelings like he's taking you for granted go. You might think this silly, but we've found nothing that works better than talking to someone intuitivewho can look directly into your relationship and give you some insight on how to turn things around. Maryann has some great ways to help release any negative emotions that might end up ruining a perfectly good relationship.

If you're here for the long haul then you must stop trying to pick him apart and give him a little time to get used to you being around all the time. Do you really want to be in a relationship that the husband has to work late all the time because he doesn't want to come home? Scary thought, but it happens all the time.

Have things gone too far?

Maybe you didn't answer with a resounding, "I want to keep him!" and instead thought, "I hate feeling like he's taking me for granted." It's time to look at your relationship and really figure out if he is the man you fell in love with or was that just a fantasy.

In that case, the book Should You Stay or Should You Go will help you gain some perspective. It helps you to ask yourself all the questions (even the really hard ones) that everyone should consider before bailing on someone you love.

The fact remains, feeling like he's taking you for granted will not go away overnight and your relationship will fail unless you do something right away to make yourself feel better and get him back on track to showing you some sweet loving.




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