Unanswered Questions

by Anonymous

Hi, please advise:
My relationship of almost four years just ended. We started dating when I was 18. He was my first boyfriend and 1st everything else... Lets just say I started the opposite of most people... with flings and fun until I finally decided I was old enough to be in a relationship.

Long story short, I thought we had a gr8 relationship we talked pretty much about everything and we were very honest with each other

...until i recently found out that i was the only one that had been honest.
Ii lend him my spare 4n some time this year and when he got his fixed, he returned mine. My normal 4n got messed up three weeks ago so i got my spare 4n and started going through my inbox to see whose numbers were whose as not all were appearing in the contact list. That's when i got the shock of my life and found all these suggestive text messages to a number I didn't know. I instantly new he had been cheating...

When he came over, I checked his 4n and found a name for the foreign number. I confronted him, he denied it and denied it saying he's not that kind of guy and he would never hurt me like that. They were just friends... They had developed feelings for each other but nothing happened because he came to his senses.

I bought it but I had my doubts so I asked him if I called her would she tell me that? He said there was no point to that, it was immature n childish but yes she would confirm his story.

So I dropped it but couldn't... The next day, I called the number. The chick said they had been in an open relationship from beginning of this year and didn't know that he even had a girlfriend. She then later changed her story n said she was his girlfriend and had been dating him for two years. I also found out that my boyfriend and his family had moved out of their previous home end of last year and he hadn't told me. He just kept saying they were moving but not yet. I live alone in case you were wondering, so we always met there.

I called him to tell him that it was over. He got so defensive and angry. The next morning, he finally admitted he had been cheating and lying. Then he blames me for disclosing personal info about his family to this chick and that I had no right. He said there was nothing more we could do because the damage had been done and he couldn't forgive me.

It has now been two weeks and he hasn't called or bothered to apologize about anything. I am mad because he was the one who was dishonest and unfaithful but he changed the tables and blamed it on me instead of taking responsibility for what he did. I did nothing wrong but he's acting the victim by making me feel guilty for finding out what i did...

So now I am just wondering what our relationship was, if it was real... why he cheated and kept staying with me. Should I call him to get the closure I need to move on? Or do I just let it go? After all that time together, I thought that our relationship deserved a respectable end. I feel like he has gotten away with so much and there is nothing i can do about it.