Using eye contact flirting to get the guy
Question from Taylor, New York
There’s this really cute guy in my university lecture on Tuesdays that I have been eye contact flirting with. I sit behind him, and for awhile now he’s been stealing glances at me and trying to catch my gaze. But I was always too shy to look back at him.
Last week I caught his gaze a few times, and let him catch me looking at him to let him know I’m interested. But none of us smiled or anything and he quickly looked away.
Today his friend was sitting with him and they were laughing and talking. I noticed they kept glancing at me, especially my crush (way over six times). I saw him through the corner of my eye but ignored him, because I’m WAY too shy to flirt with him when he’s with his friend.
Do you think I’m sending him mixed messages? Or would he assume I’m shy? Would this make him stop liking me? Does eye contact flirting really work?
Start with the shyness
Being shy makes it nearly impossible to get the things you really want in life. Guys are fascinated by women who have outrageous amounts of confidence. You can eye flirt all you want, but if your flirts don’t convey any realdesire, then this is just a game inside your head.
It’s time to get past the shyness that has probably plagued you your entire life. It’s time to get some Unstoppable Confidence. If you read through this website enough, you’ll see that we recommend this system all over the place. Why? Because being shy severely limits your life. If you’ve ever felt jealous that more confident people of the world are getting everything they’ve ever wanted and you always seem to end up with nothing, then this step is a must do.
Conquering your shyness opens up so many doors in your world. You can stop living a life of waiting and start doing everything you’ve ever desired
Back to eye contact flirting
OK, enough of the lectures and back to the question at hand, “Does eye contact flirting really work?” The short answer is “You Bet!” The issue here is that you aren’t following through. You mentioned not smiling and looking away quickly. This could be interpreted a bunch of different ways and none of them very good.
He might just think it’s meaningless looking around, OR he might think you’re the crazy stalker chick that sits behind him that’s always staring. Either one of these doesn’t convey the message you are attempting with your eye contact flirting.
There’s only one way to only use your eyes for flirting that works and we’ll address that later. Given the fact that men are so bad at assessing body language, you are going to have to be a bit more blatant to get this guy to make his move.
So when shy girl eye contact flirts with shy guy, but no smiling is exchanged, then no real information has been passed along. You have to smile too. It is important that you put a little emotion behind your look or you will spend the rest of the semester counting how many times you look at each other.
We’re not talking a giant beaming smile either. Try this scenario: you are looking at him and he turns to look at you. Bite your bottom lip just a little, smile and look away. You have just said a mountain of “check me out!” This draws attention to your lips which is the other part of your face that guys love. And smiles are universal. They indicate happiness and interest.
Put some emotion behind it
Simply looking at someone and them noticing could be completely meaningless. Since we are dealing with guys here, you have to give him some information he will have to interpret.
Go to the mirror and look at yourself. As you look at yourself, put this thought in your head: “I want to lick hot fudge out of your belly button.” Did you notice how sexy and silly that made you look? Purrrrrfect! Now think, “I know a secret.” Could you spot the difference in the look?
Eye contact flirting is about conveying a message without having to say it, but in order for it to work, you have to have that message in mind. Just looking at this guy thinking, “I wish you would acknowledge me,” doesn’t tell him the information he really wants. Don’t ever forget that you are flirting here. You cannot flirt with a desperate massage in mind. Flirting is about sexy. It’s about playfulness. And above all, it’s about mystery.
Don’t look away
You can’t do any effective eye contact flirting if you look away too quickly to convey your message. Practice doing this in the mirror: Look up and catch your eyes. Hold that gaze for three seconds, then smile faintly and then look away.
See what happened there? You were innocently looking around, but then you caught his eyes on you. By holding that stare for a few seconds, there is an animal instinct you are toying with. Then you finish it up with a tiny smile that makes him wonder.
Flirting expert, Mimi Tanner, author of the book The Secrets of Flirting with Men talks about how important it is to keep him wondering. Everything you do when trying to seduce a man should keep him guessing, but gently reassuring him that he’s on the right track. She coined one of our favorite lines, “Life without flirting …is just existing!” This really is one of the best resources for really understanding how to make yourself irresistible to men with your sexy flirting. Read it!
You need to get better at eye contact flirting. Practice holding gazes when you walk around your campus. For now, you might just be able to do it for a quick second but as you do it more and more, you’ll find it easier to get over how uncomfortable it is to make eye contact and you’ll be able to stare anyone down.
Your goal here is to always be the last one to look away. Guys are often way better at this because it’s usually a sign of aggression. But when you do it while thinking about him sucking on your toes, it’s a powerful flirting tool.
This is a game we all played with our parents from a very young age. It’s also a very effective method of eye contact flirting. It speaks to a very primal part of a man’s brain. Cute things need to be protected and this reminds him of of a fragile child.
We’re not talking about putting your hands over your face and then popping out from behind it with a “boo!” (Although that would be pretty adorable!) What we mean is to hide your eyes somehow and peek out around it. This can be done using your book, a menu, some furniture, a tree, whatever. You don’t have to hide somewhere and jump out at him wherever he goes, it should be done subtly and innocently.
Hold your book up over your face like you’re looking at something intently and simply peer out over the top. Catch his eyes and then pop down below again. Of all the eye contact flirting methods we’ve discussed, this one might sound pretty stupid, but give it a try and you’ll see that this might just be the way to get him to finally come talk to you.
Use your hair to hide behind (another reason to have long hair). Have your hair come down over one eye as you look at him and you achieve the same effect without all the silly bouncing around. It makes men think about how messy your hair would be after sex.
The eye flash
And finally we get to the best way to flirt with your eyes. While looking at yourself in the mirror, practice “flashing” your eyes. What you do here is push your eyes out a little bit. You can do this by quickly openeing your eyelids a little wider for a quick second or even trying to push them forward. The quicker you do this, the more intriguing it looks.
You can follow this great eye contact flirting method by fluttering your eyelashes if you have that kind of skill. The eye flash is something that most predators do before they pounce on their tasty victims. When you show him this “I will devour you” look, it will actually get his heart pumping a little faster. Consciously, he might not have even noticed, but the survival part of his brain saw it and it’s getting ready to fight or flee.
He won’t have any idea what’s happening, but he’ll finally realize that his heart beats faster whenever he sees you. Magical!
Don’t wait forever
Some guys are just painfully shy. You could use eye contact flirting forever and he might never make his move. If you like him, you might have no choice and you will have to make a move. Once you’ve said the first “Hi,” this might be all the influence he needs to ask you out! If you’d like more information on how all of these things work, check out this great book on the Body Language Project.