The dreaded first date conversation. What do I say?
The first date conversation is all about introducing yourself. It’s kind of like a job interview to see if you two are intellectually, emotionally, and sensually compatible. Many times, it’s hard to get to that second date if the conversation goes bad.
It is important to always keep in mind why you are here: you want to find out if this guy has potential and you want to show him that you do too. It’s very easy to get overwhelmed on a first date because you might be nervous that you are going to blurt out something stupid or leave a chunk of salad on your front teeth or fall down some stairs.
On top of that, you need to keep him engaged and pay attention to what he’s saying so you can roll through the conversation and check to see if he’s a nutjob.
Overwhelming? Not really. Just remember to keep things easy. Don’t worry about the little things and probably stay away from stairs.
Have something to say
When it comes to first date conversation, nothing makes you more irresistible than really being engaging and able to hold your own no matter where the subject leads you to. That is why we wholeheartedly recommend the Conversation Confidence System. If you’re shy or always feel like a dork when you assert your own opinions, or even if you are a public speaking pro, Conversation Fire builds your confidence and teaches you the secrets to being someone people love to talk to. Besides, knowing how to speak professionally helps you in every aspect of your life.
For now, in regards to what you can talk about, there are very few things that are off limits for a first date conversation. However, there are a few big no-no’s. Let’s review before we go on to the yes’s:
What not to say on a first date
Pay attention to what you say. Of all things, this one should be obvious, but it happens all the time so it bears repeating. All those things your mom told you not to bring up in polite conversation is not first date conversation either. Religion, politics, war, human rights, basically anything that either one of you might have a strong opinion about is off limits for the first date conversation!
Unless you both met at church or a political rally, stay away from these topics. They are boring and “common.” I’m not saying these subject are boring, it just that these are typical topics they talk to their friends about. You aren’t sparking any fires talking about who’s president. There will be many more times to deal with saving the whales. Right now, you are both trying to figure out if each one of you are lovable. Avoid any topics that might turn the first date conversation into an argument.
- Stay away from the future. Right now is not the time to grill him down about the names of his future children or what side of the bed he sleeps on. The longer you avoid any talk about commitment, the less typical you will seem and the more lovable you become. Men, by nature, all have some degree of commitment-phobia. Here are some ways to smartly work around this.
- Be mysterious. Don’t give away the farm on the first meeting. Whatever your life story is, can it. Not only is it boring, boring, boring, whenever someone gets all the information they need, it kills the conversation. Besides, any time you run down a list of all your accomplishments, it comes off as bragging and makes you look socially stupid. Instead of talking about how much you travel, say it in a way that creates more questions. For example, “I got this necklace from an Argentinean vendor on the beach,” poses many more questions than, “I go to Argentina every year for Groundhog Day.”
- Learn how to tell a story. It’s one thing if you can talk all night telling funny stories and interesting things about yourself. It’s another if you ramble on about all the things that happened that day boring everyone within range into a stupor. Stories have a beginning, middle, and end. You might accomplish something, learn a valuable life lesson, have some funny resolution or just reveal something interesting about yourself. If you don’t have any of those going on in your story…
- Shut up! You can’t let him know that you’re a good listener if you blab on and on. Ask him questions about everything and then… listen. Nothing is worse than talking to someone when you can feel that they are thinking about what they are going to say next. Let there be silence. Your ability to allow silence makes you way more alluring than if you never let it happen.
- You have no ex-boyfriends. At least not for the sake of first date conversation. Sure you’ve had troubling relationships in the past. We all have. Bringing it up in the very beginning only shows you’re not over it yet. When you go to look at a new apartment, you don’t show up with your furniture. Wait til you’ve made it past the credit check before you start packing in your baggage.
- You might have children, but only mention them. Kids are really important, but he’s not interested in dating your kids. You should definitely let him know that you do have children, but don’t talk about them all night. There will be tons of time for him to get to know them. Remember, the first date is only an introduction. You only need to give little snippets about your life.
What you should talk about
in first date conversation
- Exciting things! Talk about things you are passionate about (as long as they don’t fall in the no-no section). Talk about adventures you’ve had. Traveling, shows you’ve been to, times in your life where you’ve learned something huge. Talk about your goals and dreams and what you hope to accomplish in the near future. These are all great topics.
- Flirt Flirt Flirt! If you think this guy has potential, then be interested. Show him that you like him by giving him signals with your body: sexy eyes, leaning forward, playing with your hair. This is the part of first date conversation that is the most fun. If you are pretty new to the whole flirting thing, there is a great book called The Secrets of Flirting with Men that gives you all the great little tools to make him really crave you.
- Things you want to do. We already touched on this, but it’s really important. If everything goes right, this guy might be around for awhile. By telling him you want to one day go to Greece, he might one day help you to get there. Do you want to go back to school? Is there something you’ve always wanted to learn? Even if you think your life is dull and boring, you can show you are passionate about bettering yourself and make yourself much more appealing.
- Ask questions. Asking great questions is the cornerstone to being a great conversationalist. It’s also a crucial part of your first date conversation. Not only does this help keep the conversation going, if you ask him really great questions that make him really think about his life, he will automatically think you can help make his life more interesting. Besides, the more you keep him talking, the more attractive you are to him!
- Show that you are human. If you spend all night talking about how awesome you are, he might think you are an egomaniac or that you might be out of his league. Tell him about a time that you might have done something embarrassing. The twist here is that your embarrassing moment shouldn’t make you look like an idiot or an accident prone maniac. You want him to think you can be silly sometimes. It adds to your cuteness!
- Listen! This is the easiest part of first date conversation… and the hardest. In a dating situation, the person not talking holds more power. Why? The more you reveal, the more you give away. The less mystery you command. Letting him talk the whole time about himself accomplishes three things. He thinks you’re a great listener. He feels great because someone is actually interested in his “boring” life. And you get to remain a secret. It might come to the end of the date and you have skillfully made the entire first date conversation about him. He walks away invigorated because he feels you really understand him but then he realizes that he knows nothing about you. He pulls out his phone and presto… second date.
- Pay attention to body language. We mentioned this already but this one really is a key part of first date conversation. If you’re really starting to like this guy, show it with your body language. Play with your hair. Lean towards him when he’s being entertaining. Flirt with your eyes (blink slowly). When you excuse yourself to go to freshen up, walk seductively. 80% of all communication is body language. Practice it!
- Be funny! He loves it as much as you do when you can make him happy. Humor is easy once you have a handle on it. You’ll find some advanced comedy advice on this page to really make you light up his evening. If you really want to get the guy, entertain him!
Remember, this is just a compatibility test. You’re not peering into his criminal record, his high school transcripts, collecting hair and urine samples and checking fingerprints. You’re only there to see if he’s nice, if his intelligence matches yours or better, and if you might find him attractive enough to keep you happy. The best advice for first date conversation is that, when in doubt or you feel you’re revealing too much, ask him a question. Ask a question about something he mentioned earlier. Ask him a silly “would you rather” type question. Keep him talking. It’s your best way to that second date.