I’m lost! Got any awesome first date tips?”
Question submitted by Dani, Australia
“I seem to always blow it on first dates. Got any first date tips that can help a girl figure a little bit more out about the guy sitting across from me?”
The Purpose of a First Date
When it comes to the purpose of first dates and first date tips, there are several things at play here. The first and most important reason you are on this first date is to figure out if the guy you’re with is at all interesting to you. He may be cute. He may be stylish. He may even be rich, but if he’s boring and stupid, get ready for a lifetime of boring and stupid…
The first secret to first date tips is to pay attention! Stop worrying about how you’re blowing it or how embarrassing you are acting. He’s totally worried about how he’s doing too. Get out of your head and into his. Even cute, stylish, rich guys can be pathetically uninteresting.
You need to figure this out before it goes any further so you can decide whether you let him get closer or if he’s just worth a few free dinners!
What are the first date tips to getting him to show who he really is? Ask a ton of questions! In the end, what he drives or what he does for work isn’t as important as how he feels about his life. If he’s rich, but he hates his 80 hour a week job, he’s bound to be permanently miserable. Don’t assume for a second that this misery won’t spill over into your relationship.
You have to ask the right questions. The book 1000 Questions for Lovers by the legendary “most romantic man alive,” Michael Webb, not only gives you the right questions to consider, it also helps you by really getting him to open up.
It usually takes a few months to really get to know someone. By that time, you might already be in love with a guy who doesn’t deserve you. You counteract that by getting your mysterious first date to spill the beans.
Take care of everything before
My favorite of the great first date tips is to take care of everything you can before the first date. But once you’re there, drop it. What, exactly does that mean? It means that you should try to take care of every variable before you arrive at the first date all adorable.
Specifically, it means take care of anything that could possibly embarrass you later. Things like shaving your legs (or whatever), wearing your sexy undies, makeup, etc. are pretty obvious. What I’m talking about is cleaning out your car, cleaning up your house (especially your bedroom), stocking the fridge with a variety of drinks, doing your dishes, all the way to fixing that problem with your car. A car wash won’t hurt either.
“Slow down, sister! It’s only a first date!”
Even if it goes completely against logic, moral codes, or possible reality, we all like to think that this might be “that one perfect date” with a perfect guy. You never know what’s going to happen! So you should be prepared for any possibility.
What if his car breaks down or he gets a little tipsy and needs to come up to your place? Running around your house pulling down your panties drying on the lampshades or the stack of pizza boxes next to the front door makes you look like a jerk. Making excuses like “it’s not normally this messy” makes you look like a lying slob. What if your well-deserved and super-sexy makeout session involves him running his hand down your sandpaper thighs? Even if that’s too racy for you, how about that final peck on the cheek is met with your garlic breath and body odor since you forgot to buy deodorant and didn’t bring gum? One of the best first date secrets is to be prepared.
This all seems like overkill, but if you always made the best impression for all your first dates, your entire life might get way more organized. Sexy first dates and a made bed? Win-win!
Let it go
So you’ve made yourself smoothe and sexy, made your car spotless, maybe even re-wallpapered your living room… now let it go. You can only do so much and I promise you that you’ll forget something crazy like leaving some random feminine hygene product on your bathroom counter or left your Barney and Friends CD in the CD player of your car.
This first date tip is simply: don’t worry about it. Get into your first date and be present. Stop thinking about how you look. There’s nothing else you can do now that he’s sitting there in front of you. If you actually just met the man of your dreams and your kicking yourself for not cleaning up your house, forget it. There’s nothing you can do about it right now.
When you spend this perfect first date worried about all the things you forgot, you might miss out on some key details.
The most important first date tip ever…
This one is so obvious, but we all seem to get caught by it every single time. Pay attention to what he says especially if it’s delivered jokingly.
We all use this at the beginning of every relationship so we feel that we’ve been honest about our shortcomings and when we go crazy later, “they’ve been warned.” Some people just can’t shut up on first dates. They’ll tell you every negative thing about themselves, but deliver it jokingly. You both laugh, but you almost always find out he wasn’t trying to be funny. He was actually warning you that he has a third arm growing out of his back.
That might be a little extreme, but when a guy laughs about the things he’s obsessed over (that you hate) or all the stuff he hates (that you adore), he’s probably not actually joking. This is one of the most important (and easiest to ignore) first date tips.
Years later when you are driven mad by his poisonous spider collection, he might actually throw it back in your face that he told you on your first date about this creepy obsession. You might think back and remember him saying something like, “Oh you can’t come over, you might let out my spider collection! Ha ha ha!”
Jokes are not always funny. Pay attention to what this guy might really be saying.
There is no awkward silence
Get used to this. Really let it sink in. Silence is great!
Many women think that those lulls in conversation are horrible, but consider this very important first date tip: men don’t “chat” like you might. In fact, he might not be much of a talker at all. If communication in relationships is really important to you, than shut up.
Sit there in silence for awhile and see how he continues the conversation. If he doesn’t (or can’t) you’ve just saved yourself an eternity of miserable awkward silence. Seriously, be quiet and let him carry the conversation for awhile. Only stop to ask him questions about what he’s telling you like, “how did that make you feel?” and “that must have been amazing!” Then ask him about some kind of ideal situation like best vacation or favorite things to do on weekends.
Don’t let this first date tip slip by you. Be quiet. Let him talk. A good rule of thumb is that if you just said something strange or he’s got a funny look on his face, stop talking, ask him something about his childhood and let him tell you about his life.
If you follow these first date tips, you will come away from your first date with just about everything you need to decide whether you’d be interested in a second date.