It feels like I’ll never succeed in getting over a breakup.
Think of it this way: whether its your first love or your fiftieth, there are six billion people on this planet. Even if you are super-ultra-mega picky, that still leaves about 30,000 guys that are just perfect for you. Whether you dumped him or he dumped you, its actually a waste of your time to spend a second longer with someone who isnt 100% into you or that you cant love 100%.
Its not just that there are other fish in the sea; there are 30,000 other fish in the sea! How’s that for a reason for getting over a breakup?!!
The truth is it’s not that easy. Sure, all that is encouraging, but you hurt and you hurt bad. You know that “time heals all wounds” and that you will move on, but you can’t turn off your brain and pretty much every thought goes back to him. It’s a dispair that can last months, even years! If you’re really hurting, we recommend giving Heal My Heart a try. It has tons of research and real-world advice to help you start feeling better today. It sure would be nice to get a full night’s sleep again, huh?
Where did everything go wrong?
So here you are. You just lost a lover, a friend, a companion and probably a bunch of stuff and a pet or two. It sucks. And its easy to be overcome with shame, guilt, depression and fear of the future. But lets back up a bit.
How did you get here? What happened to bring you to this lonely state? No matter what the actual event or straw that broke the camel’s back that happened, it all came down to the fact that one of you was no longer being fulfilled. The desperate deed of staying in a situation like that will never make either one of you happy in the long run. It will actually breed resentment.
Think for a second about why you love this person so much. Are there any circumstances that helped to make you love him? Did you find each other in a rough time in your life? Did he save you somehow? Although these notions are quite romantic, they rarely lead to basic compatibility.
When we get into relationships, its easy to get complacent. Before, you would go out and be social all the time and now you find yourself hiding out in your house with your boyfriend. All the sudden, neither of you are as active as you used to be. It makes you dependent on each other and makes it even harder to let each other go even when things get exceedingly unfulfilling. You start to worry that you might be unattractive to the opposite sex and couldnt bear to lose this stability.
Now you realize that you have given up a part of your dreams and lifelong goals for the sake of this relationship. What do you do now?
Remember who you were
The answer to getting over a breakup is quite simple: get back on track to fulfilling your dreams! Before you even met this guy, there were goals and interests that fell by the wayside while you put all your energy into this new relationship. Quite often, when you stop pursuing your dreams, you start to get restless. This never works well in a relationship.
Consider all the things you think about that interest you. Now what’s stopping you from going after them? Take up some new hobbies. Go back to school. Look into a new job. Move to a new city. You just made this huge change in your life, why not make more?
Get your old self back! Find a great way to heal your broken heart. Put your life back on track. Dynamic people are irresistible to the opposite sex. The bigger your life is, the sexier you become.
Let “Yes” be your mantra
Of course, your first temptation is to hide yourself away, put on your favorite comfy clothes and never leave the house again, but this will only make matters worse. Isolating yourself only makes you more miserable and doesn’t really help you at all in getting over a breakup.
Start saying yes to everything. Your friend asks if you want to go out? “Yes.” A cute guy asks you out to dinner? “Sure.” You get invited on a trip to Las Vegas? “Yep.” Someone hands you a flyer for Rodeo Clown College? “Why not!”
By getting out there and being active, you not only take your mind off of your pain, but you also start to realize all the things you’ve been missing while you were away in relationshipland. In no time, you’ll get yourself back to the powerful diva you used to be. Besides, it’s hard to feel bad about your ex when theres a cute guy asking for your phone number. Now you don’t have to sleep with him or do anything you aren’t interested in, but you absolutely need to feel what fun is like again.
Don’t go overboard
When getting over a breakup, its easy to go on a binge. Too much partying, too much alcohol, too much saying yes and you might find yourself in a worse situation. If you’ve really been out of the dating scene for a long time, refresh yourself on some dating safety and don’t forget, you call the shots. If something feels weird, its OK to say no. Take things easy and you’ll have no problems.
Make new friends
After a breakup, youll notice that friends tend to pick sides and go with the friend they knew the longest or liked the best. Although its not fun losing friends in the process of losing a boyfriend, as stated above: six billion people!
Start chatting up everyone you meet. Join some sports or clubs and make an effort to get to know everyone there. New friends are almost as fun as new boyfriends. Whole new worlds open up to you and are really magical for getting over a breakup.
How are you doing with all of this? Got a breakup story? Tell us about it! Check out our new section where YOU, our faithful reader, tell us how you are coping with your breakup.
What if you want him back?
Maybe you just read through this whole thing and decided, “Screw this! I want him back!” There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that (provided you are doing it for the right reasons). If you just want him back in your life so you don’t have to feel like dirt any more, you are bound to end up in this very same situation again.
But if you want him back because you guys shared something incredible and you two really are perfect together, then we have a secret weapon for you. The Magic of Making Up really is the silver bullet to capturing his heart again. There are things you can say and ways you can act right now that will make him change his mind about you. If you must have him back, then this is your best hope…
But if it’s time to be alone, then you must be strong. It’s going to take some time to get used to this new lifestyle and its scary to think of the future, but if you stay positive and keep an open mind, getting over a breakup is really not that hard at all.