Hacking Online Dating: Finding True Love Online
The realities of online dating
Several years ago, Amy Webb had a TED talk titles, “How I hacked online dating.” Webb, in the aftermath of another lousy relationship, decided to use her job as a data analyst to create a system to reach her goals of getting married and having a kid in the shortest time possible. Easy, right? As it turns out… not so much. Once you add in all of the prerequisites most people have when looking for a perspective mate, things get a little more difficult. Webb’s issue was that she was on a timeline so she had to dissect online dating in a way that ensured she would meet her perfect mate.
As you can see, Webb really put some effort into finding the perfect man. So what should you take away from this
Awesome dates are out there
First of all, if you only have bad experiences from online dating. It could simply mean you’ve put very little effort into it and, consequently, you’re only discovering mediocre men. If this video proves one thing, it’s that if you build it, he will come!
Your future love is out there. This great guy is casually scrolling through all the endless dating profiles and he’s ready to show up with his whole life together and an profound emotional intelligence that will truly make you feel captivated. However, this whole situation depends on one thing…
You absolutely need a better online dating profile!
If you write a bunch of common things that apply to most people, you are going to attract the most common of man possible. Regardless of your looks, or weight, or age, or parental status, if you write a boring profile, you will attract boring men. You could be a goddess walking the earth, but if you don’t say anything interesting or evocative, you’re doomed to meet simple guys with no real direction and no real demands on your relationship other than you look hot.
In order to reel in the man who is capable of truly seeing you, it’s vital that you describe him!
What does that mean?
The biggest mistake people make when creating an online dating profile is that they try to cast the widest net possible. Ya know… so you have options, right? Wrong! In the video, Webb did the math taking all the things she completely needed from a mate and came to the conclusion that in a city of 1.6 million people, the number of guys who fit her needs perfectly was only about 35 men. 35 men!
Writing a profile that sounds great to thousands of guys seems like a great idea, but what a total waste of time! Do you really need to wade through hundreds of people to find the handful you were looking for all along? Your profile needs to appeal to a couple dozen men and NO ONE ELSE! This means you need to tell him who he is. Most guys will read this and think, “Well, I totally match her on all these other things, but she said she really needs a guy who [insert fascinating characteristic here]. I guess I won’t write her.” Did that just make you sad? It shouldn’t! Why would you want to spend any time with someone who will never have that one thing you really need from him? This is how people get trapped in lousy marriages!
When hacking online dating, it’s crucial to know that the popular people online all paint happy, fun and exciting pictures with their words. When you talk about how you hate things or what deal-breakers you prospective man might have, you’re losing the good ones who know already they don’t want to date a complainer.
Happy women are popular women. I know, it’s a sexist thing to say and how many more scumbags need to tell you to “smile” while walking down the street? But as it turns out, when creating your freshly hacked online dating profile, you really need to help this guy understand that you are an awesome person. You just can’t do it by listing a bunch of negatives.
You need better pictures!
It’s unfortunate how Amy Webb kinda glossed over how she added her new and improved pictures. Being the data nerd she is, it’s obvious she’s more impressed with her scientific journey than with the stark reality. Guys are visual creatures! She went from a few lackluster responses to a thousand and not giving proper credit to the awesome pics she posted of herself.
When she showed the original images she was posting, there is a STARK contrast between the old ones and the new ones. Seriously, kids! There is no other way to put this: you pictures must show you happy and attractive no matter what you look like. This doesn’t have to mean a ton of makeup in a ballgown either. If all your pictures show the same unsmiling face with that “just woke up” look, you are losing at online dating!
If you don’t have any great pictures, you are better off showing your best, happiest ones rather than a bunch of OK ones that “don’t make you look too ugly” even if that is just one picture! If you’re serious about finding true love online, this one is an absolute must.
Slow down, sister!
The only real problem in this fascinating TED talk about hacking online dating is that Webb had a very tight time frame to find a guy, marry him and have babies right away. If a good guy even senses you are that kind of desperate, he will bail so fast. And any guy who knows your timeline and sticks around might not be the best mate after all. Obviously, great things happen every day and Webb managed to snag herself a keeper, but this is dangerous territory in the dating world. Allow amazing things to happen and don’t worry when they happen and you will lead a great life that all your friend would be envious of.
In reality, hacking online dating is really just about putting in some real effort on your profile and really taking a chance to show yourself in a very meaningful way. If you’d love more advice, you can check out my book Online Dating Assassin. Best of all, it’s free when you get The Art of Irresistible!
As always, stay irresistible