Something’s not right. I need to learn how to save a relationship from going bad.
The most important part of knowing how to save a relationship is knowing when to start looking for problems. No relationship is completely perfect. It may be perfect in the beginning, but after you both get comfortable with each other, the cracks start to appear.
It’s little things at first. Maybe he doesn’t like the way you put the toilet paper on the roll or maybe you don’t like that he never puts it on the roll to begin with. When you’re done with all the newness of a relationship, then your personal preferences start to shine through. You never really cared about it before because you were dealing with the flood of emotions that love brings with it. As you settle in to this new love and things get more comfortable, then you start to notice when he plays with one of your pet peeves.
Its not that he wasn’t doing them all along; it’s just that now you are really noticing them. Guess what, sister he’s starting to see everything that you do that he doesn’t like. Having your eyes and communication open is your best defense in how to save a relationship.
Pay attention to his reactions
As we’ve said before, tons of self-confidence and not caring what others think is a very sexy thing, but when you couple this with consideration, then you become an awesome girlfriend. What does that mean? You need to be fierce, assertive and demanding, but you also need to pay attention to how he reacts to whatever you do. Take note when he winces at certain things you say or do. He might even be making a comment as a joke but he might be serious.
This is the unknown part of relationships my friends all hate.
- Is he mad at me?
- Does he hate it when I [whatever]?
- Am I scaring him away?
It’s all about honing your perception. When you start to take note about any negative reactions he has and what you were doing at the time, you start to get really good at reading his mind. You might even realize he’s not upset with you at all. How does that work? Easy
Ask tons of questions
There’s a right way and a wrong way to learning how to save a relationship with questions. Do you know that whiney voice he uses when he mocks you or other women? Don’t use that tone when you talk to him… Ever! It makes you sound insecure. It makes you sound like a scared child and it is not sexy. It’s better to just not know than to whine at him so don’t do it.
The proper way is to always be asking questions. Ask fun questions in an upbeat way and pepper in your concern questions as part of the conversations. Try asking the if you had all the money in the world… questions or dream vacation questions and get him into answering those. When he’s having fun and feeling comfortable, ask him (in the exact same tone) your do you like it when I [blank]?
This may seem like trickery, but honestly, it’s the only way to get a perfectly straight answer out of anyone. Salespeople call them buying questions because it gets people to let their guards down which is awesome for seeking honesty.
For the very best information on getting him to communicate, you can check out Rousing the Lion. There is so much great info here that you’ll kick yourself for not getting it sooner.
Find the right time to talk
When figuring out the best time to have that conversation, make sure you do it in a time that both of you have enough time to resolve it. Don’t make comments or start fights as he (or you) is off to work, about to go to sleep or any other time when one of you has pending obligations. Try not to have these conversations when either one of you has been drinking, is exhausted or under any other influences.
The trick on how to save a relationship with your well-placed questions is to do it when you can both hash things out. Give at least a two-hour window. That means no football or sports games are coming on it a half an hour. Neither one of you has to leave soon for anything. No one has to wake up early and it’s getting late. No one has any plans that are going to get wrecked if this conversation will put him or her in a bad mood.
Why? People hate the discomfort of conflict. He might actually have something to say, but he knows by saying it, the resulting discussion will take up a few hours of his time. He has other things to do so when you ask, Is there something wrong, Honey? He can only respond with, No.
Give him a chance to be honest with you by creating a perfect time to talk. Schedule a time that both of you can be together and then go for it. It’s possible that you two never get this type of time, but the more of a distraction-less scenario you can create, the more productive this couple meeting will be. You might even consider a little weekend getaway when you can both be together…
Don’t get defensive
Remember, you started this conversation, now it’s time to let him vent, listen to what he has to say and let him know you will try to fix whatever problems you have together. He has to know that when he has issues, you will listen and be cool about it.
Whenever you answer an accusation with an attack on him, you lose the communication battle. Instead of finding out how to save a relationship, you are now in a full-blown screaming match. Nothing gets accomplished and you’ve done more harm than good.
Work on you
Now is not the time to get sad and complacent! If you even think your relationship is failing, there is no better time to start working on making yourself awesome! It’s time to get back in shape and figure out how to be sexy for your man. It’s so easy to notice something’s not right, get depressed, and simply give up. You’re just making it easier for him to leave. Now, more than ever, is the time to remind him why he fell for you in the first place. There’s no better time to get back to who you want to be and re-connect with your love.
Understand that your only goal here is working on how to save a relationship. You love this guy and you want him ridiculously happy with you, your relationship, and especially your future together. If you’re on the fence about if this is a relationship you want to fight for, reading Should I Stay or Should I Go will be the best investment in your future. This book asks all the questions you haven’t even considered. If you really want to save your relationship, do it for the right reasons! Understand, sometimes you need to break out the secret weapon…