Questions from a sugar daddy
“What am I doing wrong?”
The following is a letter from a sugar daddy. It’s really long, so skip ahead if you’d like. To sum it up, after all the poor treatment from his “girlfriend,” he is still willing to do anything for her. Find out why a relationship like this is very unhealthy:
I’m not a girl, but I would appreciate any advice, opinions, or views from the lady’s point of view. Am I doing something wrong? A year ago I met this girl. She seemed amazing, interesting, and extremely beautiful. I love everything about her and she’s into many things I am. I made the first move and we started talking. She had told me that every day she couldn’t wait to wake up to look for my email in her inbox…and likewise…I couldn’t wait to hear from her. As time passed we had talked everyday whether on the phone, texting, messengers, or emails.
I always made sure that she had good times or something she could smile about knowing someone was thinking about her. I sent her little things randomly like flowers and chocolates when she never expected it. I sent her out to the club with her friends and always paid for cab fare or her bus pass, I just wanted to make things easier for her in any way I could.
I had her flown in to spend the summer with me, meet my family, and take a road trip. On the road trip, she was really tired and slept most of the way… which I really didn’t mind. However, she sat in the back seat the whole time which kind of sucked. She wanted to see her family in Canada so we completely changed our plans I had made and some special things I had set up for her, etc. I wanted to do anything to see her happy.
In Canada, We did what she wanted to do. Her family told me they were happy to finally see her with a person who puts her first. One night, we were going to a club. She was very moody and made some off remarks. When we get to the club I go to open the door for her and she slammed it shut. I paid to get everyone in gave her money to pay everything. Then I stayed in a coffee shop and waited for them (almost 6 hours). When she gets back to the car she was mad at me. She wouldn’t talk to me and treated me like dirt. Later, she asked me to leave her there and go home. I left her some money and she knew she could call me for anything. I always make sure she is well and has everything that she needs and mostly everything that she wants.
I bought her a plane ticket back since I had set up for her to see her favourite band playing on the west coast. I wanted to fly her in a day early to be with her but she didn’t want to so we missed our flight out west. I had to buy 2 new tickets since no refunds. She got nothing but the best and never had to worry about anything. We stayed at a very classy hotel, nice car, etc. I wanted her to enjoy the experience.
Later, I find out she contacted an old flame when I left her in Canada. I trust her but I was mad. His Facebook says that they used to date… which she denies and I believe her. Anyway, we went to the concert and at the end, I find her in a corner talking to some random guy. I felt horrible. I fly this girl all over the world and she goes off to talk to some random jerk. She gets mad at how I feel and can’t see why I’m furious.
At the hotel we argued, but ended up having sex. The next day she asks if I noticed she was drunk. To me she was clearly not drunk, she only had 3 beers and remembered everything we had argued about etc. The comment really got to me but I stayed quiet.
After catching our flight back home we do a little more shopping. You see, where she lives it’s only her and her little girl. She is an incredible and wonderful mom and always puts her daughter first so I guess she never has the time or the money to get herself clothes, etc. So I wanted to make sure she had new and good clothes and shoes and her things. To me, over everything that happened, she really is a great person with a really good heart and she really deserved everything we did and got…it was her first vacation in many years.
I have helped her out when she needed it and got her daughter’s diapers, toys, groceries, her first bicycle, etc. Never asking for anything in return…I really don’t want anything. I just care a lot for them. She gets mad because I say I love her. After all I have done… she gets mad at someone caring and doing things for her daughter? I thought any woman would feel happy to find a guy who is in love with them first of all but at the same time loves her child and is willing to do or give anything for them.
Recently, I proposed to her and she said no. Any ways, I’m still here for her but it hurts knowing she said no. I hope she notices that I love her and has seen all I have done and will do for her…..that she realizes that she is special to me. I know that the girl I fell in love with is there and has a good heart… she really is a great and perfect girl. I just feel like she is purposely pushing me away. I know that there are always two sides of the story. This is mine. One thing I can honestly be proud of is that she can never say that I have treated her badly in any way or that I haven’t been there for her. Even after she made me mad those times, I was always there by her side for whatever she wanted and needed. Still am…
I would love any comments or opinions on my story. What you think I might have done or I’m doing wrong…or if you think I’m right in any way.
Advice to the sugar daddy
We apologize in advance to Seeker. This man is in some serious need of learning to be a man. There are too many dudes in this world who are complete wussies. Women want to date A MAN! It’s not our desire to make an example of you, but you really got it bad. You’re going about this all the wrong way and it’s making her loathe to be around you. You should consider re-reading what you’ve written and really see what you are doing here: you pay for everything and she treats you like dirt. You are nothing but a sugar daddy.
It would be one thing if you have an endless supply of cash and you are doing things that both of you want to do, but instead you are paying for her fun times and waiting outside for her to finish. This is exploitation plain and simple. You are paying for everything with the expected exchange of her love (and sex). She is accepting all of this attention (almost unwillingly) because you insist that her needs are met. You, out of all our readers, really need to work on your confidence. You feel like you can never get another woman as perfect as this, when in reality, she is the worst person for you. Please look into the Unstoppable Confidence Course and get back your dignity.
A relationship is an equal exchange between partners. We don’t deny that being arm candy rates pretty high for men and that it’s a viable “exchange” commodity, but she’s not even arm candy. She leaves you to go hang out with other dudes! Meanwhile, you pay for everything like a submissive dog. You are nothing but a sugar daddy to this girl. You are supporting her and her daughter. You are funding her vacations and family. Meanwhile, she can barely hide her disrespect for you.
I know it’s painful to hear, but what you describe here is not love, it’s grovelling after a woman you, deep down, feel is way out of your league. You are buying her love just to feel the self-esteem boost of dating a hot chick. You already know there is no future in this relationship. Step away and don’t talk or contact her for a few days and examine what you already know is true. Sugar daddy is not the term you want applied to yourself.
Advice to women who want sugar daddies
Wanting to date a sugar daddy or someone who pays for everything can never work for a deeper relationship. It’s fun at first, but after awhile, it becomes expected. If you know that your man is willing to do “anything to make you happy,” who holds all the power in the relationship? The woman. Who takes on the feminine roll? The sugar daddy.
This may sound sweet at first: vacations, new expensive clothes, fancy cars and hotels, but “whatever you want” is not that much fun. There is only one side to this relationship and that’s hers. Unless you are a dominatrix or socio path, this is not going to be fun for too long. In the end, you end up feeling obligated to sleep with a sugar daddy who you have no sexual attraction for.
How can she respect him?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with someone paying for things. There is no problem with going on free vacations, provided it’s not in a money for love or sex situation like this is. Essentially, you willingly become a prostitute. Can you believe Seeker sat outside the club all night til she was done having fun?! This is not an equal relationship. We are not going to go as far as calling this woman a gold digger because Seeker is just too willing to fulfill his role as a sugar daddy. She is getting increasingly more rude and angry towards him because to novelty has worn off.
She has obviously tried over and over again by her words and actions to get rid of this guy. “But she said she loved him!” Yes, that’s true. How could you not love someone so kind and attentive? This is not the “I wanna sleep with you love, it’s more about pity. The problem is that he does nothing to stand up for himself and in the end, when someone is so willing to put your needs way above their own (at the expense of their dignity and pocketbook), it’s very hard to respect a person like that.
You would expect that type of attention from your parent, not your lover. Get that? A sugar daddy can never be seen as the lover because he fulfills the “provider” position so completely.
Find an equal
A Sugar daddy comes in many different forms. In the end, they all seek the same thing: an exchange of money for sex/love. This is the way it has happened for centuries and we aren’t here to make value judgements on “the game.” If you really seek a sugar daddy, pick a guy who has something going for himself and is capable of standing up for himself. No one wants to be adored so deeply in such a creepy way.
Relationships with a sugar daddy can only work if the man himself is a respectable man. Men throughout the world are all trying to do things to impress you, but if they are only in love with you because of your looks and allow you to get away with murder, eventually you’ll have no reason to love him back.
Make no mistake: rich men are a blast to date! It opens up your life to all kind of possibilities and culture. If you’re only with a man “for his money,” it will eventually suck the soul out of you if he treats you like a goddess instead of his equal.
Still seeking a sugar daddy?
Bagging a rich man (or woman) is not an easy task, especially finding one that you’ll actually be able to love. Check out Leil Lowndes’ great book called UpDating!: How to Date Out of Your League. It describes all the things you need to know to get yourself a sugar daddy. You will also need to check out How to be Irresistible to Men to learn how to keep a rich man around.