Should I call him to try to get him back after all this time?
“I dated a guy for about a month early this summer and I want to get him back. We met at a house party, when he approached me. We had great, witty conversation that night and exchanged numbers. I contacted him about a week later, and he invited me to date. We continued to date maybe 2-3 times a week for a month. I really began to like him, and after maybe the sixth date told him so. Everything seemed to be going well. He was very busy preparing for a career change to a double program in an ivy grad school, but told me that seeing me made him happy and was a wonderful break from studying.
So, he invited me to his apartment one night for dinner. It was lovely, and we began making out after. It got heavy, and I didn’t feel ready for full-blown sex, so I told him I needed to go. Quite the gentleman, he walked me to the train, playful and flirtatious as ever. That night he didn’t call to make sure I’d gotten in okay, and when I called him a few days later he told me he was just really busy right now, and that when things cooled down we’d be back to normal. I never heard from him again.
We both had intense traveling plans this summer, but still, never a word. I figure that I should just forget about him, but it’s really tough! I am really picky in guys, and though I am dating no one seems to be as desirable to me as this dude was.
I feel stupid asking this, but is it okay for me to call him after all this time? Should I even try to get him back? Is there any clever way to get back in his life? Or is it not worth any effort?”
You can still get him back!
From what you’ve described here, things did not end badly, they just kind of fizzled out. There are many reasons for this. Some are pretty simple. Others you might not want to hear.
Whether, your relationship ended on bad terms or just kind of vanished, all is not lost. Those feelings you two had for each other still exist. No one can just turn off their emotions. If getting you man back is really your desire, there are a few questions you need to ask yourself first. Most importantly,“Why?”
Do you love him or are you lonely? Did he love you better than anyone else could or was he comfortable? Bringing back a lost love has a lot of pitfalls and you can’t guarantee this person has changed in any significant way to make it work again. You really need perspective. Try the book Should You Stay or Should You Go. It makes you ask yourself all those questions that you might not even have considered. He might not even be worth it, but if he is, this book will give you all the ammunition you need to get him and keep him.
Make a plan
Before you do anything, its good to have a goal in mind. Why do you want to get him back so much? Obviously, it sounds like you guys got on well, but are you looking for a relationship, a companion, or something casual? How much time can you offer to make this work? How much time can he give since hes starting school soon?
Having a plan to get back into his life is crucial! The relationship disappeared before. If you just try to wing it, youll probably have to same unsatisfying outcome.
So why did it end?
Now we have to look at why the relationship fizzled. The easiest one to swallow is that he just got too busy to have you in his life. Hes starting school, facing a career change and had a packed travelling schedule for the summer. All very good reasons to put you on the back burner.
You guys were hanging out a lot in the beginning and maybe he understood that he could not give you enough once all of his obligations would start distracting him. Time and emotional availability are some of the biggest factors in relationship compatibility. Will he be moving away for college? Now you have a new set of problems. Now you’re looking at a long distance relationship.
Is sex the issue?
The other more likely reason for why the relationship ended is that he was no longer willing to wait for sex. It sounds like you are a traditional girl and waiting for that special moment for sex is really important to you. The problem is that many men nowadays dont really have to wait that long. Quality guys are a precious commodity. There are other women out there that see this who are a little more willing to go there. Why should he wait for you?
Brutal huh? Do you have to give it up to get him back?
Lets look at it from his perspective. You pretty much spent half of that month together with him. You had way more than enough time to get comfortable and get past any barriers to see if he’s trustworthy. Beyond that, it sounds pretty obvious that he is into you too or else he would not have spent so much of the time he could have used to prepare for his summer travels.
And then that night happened where you both got a little too frisky and then you left. I’m sorry to tell you, but this is probably the most frustrating thing that guys face during their lives. Reality check: guys want sex! Sure, girls want it too, but pretty much all guys obsess over it. Before you consider raising your men are pigs flag, its just part of their reality just as waiting for sex is part of your reality.
Get him back
So how can you get back into his life and maintain your reality? Were not suggesting you go do something that youre not 100% ready to do. But looking at the circumstances, he was probably frustrated that he was unable to move the relationship to the next level. Childish? Maybe Expected? Totally!
You are in damage control here. He might have written you off already as a tease. Start things off casually. Dont say you missed him. Be chill and be genuinely interested in all the things hes done since you last talked. The key here is to not make the fact that you havent spoken for a few months an issue at all. Somehow, its perfectly natural that this happened. Weird, I know, but it makes it look like you were too busy also and had no time for him either.
If it’s been a little while since you were last together, you really should develop a new part of you. What do we mean? Get a brand new perspective and work on how to be irresistible! If you read this book and put some of these suggestions into play, he will remember all the reasons he was drawn to you in the first place,and he will see a whole bunch more reasons to want to love you again.
This communicates that you have an awesome life and are not calling him because the situation affected you in any way. You are a bad-ass and hes lucky to have met you!
Invite him along
Should I call him? Definitely! Dont let a good guy get away although hes acting like a newborn who isnt getting his way. Call him up and tell him youre about to go do something (like eat at a restaurant you used to go to together) and he should come along. You already have plans and he should join you. Dont talk about old times or missing him, just make it a casual invitation and he can take it or leave it.
This way you dont feel like a jerk if he doesnt respond or he says no. Youre out living your awesome life and he can tag along if he wants…
Or maybe youre about to do something really fun sounding and thought about him I got these balloon ride tickets and thought you really might have fun doing this too. Invite him out on something fun and you remind him how cool you are and how interesting your life is.
To sex or not to sex
This one is entirely up to you. If you dont have a problem with having sex but you were just not ready, then create a situation that you would be comfortable with it. Definitely dont do it right away! Take some time to reconnect with him and get him back into your world but then figure out a way to make it right for you.
If you are not ready for sex because youre waiting for marriage or for whatever reason, its probably a good idea to talk about it with him. Make it your fault that you guys drifted apart. Dont blame him at all. By saying something like, I just got so into you and wanted you so badly, I kinda had to leave, you let him know that you like him a lot, but need some time for this to happen.
In the end, you guys have some obstacles to help each other through, but if hes really worth keeping around, then you guys can figure them out together and you will get him back. Good luck, Imanelle!